


A Day At A Time

by death_and_unicorns



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Are you happy, Assumptions, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute, Demisexuality, Depression, Dominant Eren Yeager, Eating Disorders, Eren Has Anger Issues, Eren Loves Levi, Fanfiction, Force-Feeding, Hospitalization, Implied Sexual Content, Levi faceplants Eren's crotch oops, M/M, Muteness, Self-Hatred, Sleepy Cuddles, Smoking, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tears, Teasing, They're finally dating, Triggers, Underage Smoking, Violence, Yaoi, erejean - Freeform, hospital cuddles, makeout scene, mention of erejean, not a lot but enough to make people complain, okay cool, people don't like erejean apparently so this's a warning, there's erejean, you were warned so be quiet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-05-23 09:19:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6112033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/death_and_unicorns/pseuds/death_and_unicorns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi and Eren are best friends in highschool, Levi being selectively mute and Eren trying to get him to smile again. Although in the middle of the year Levi starts missing school; a day a week, to two, to three, and up until he's missing a month at a time. Could it have something to do with Levi being a foster child? Or is there something else going on?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Distracted

**Author's Note:**

> So this's my first fanfiction and I'm not sure how long it's gonna be, but I hope you like it! And any tips or ideas would be appreciated! ^w^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this's my first fanfiction and I'm not sure how long it's gonna be, but I hope you like it! And any tips or ideas would be appreciated! ^w^

Eren Jaeger and Levi Ackerman had been best friends since they were little, maybe six or so. They had become friends when Levi’s mum had grown sick with pneumonia and Eren’s Dad took care of her until she passed away. Levi wasn’t supposed to see her but Grisha ((Eren’s Dad)) let him visit her on a schedule to avoid Levi getting sick or Kuchel ((Levi’s Mum)) would get worse. Alas she still passed away after twelve days of being in the hospital, and Levi was left to his Uncle, Kenny Ackerman. Of course by the time Levi was twelve and had grown aggressive towards others, getting into plenty of fights; Kenny had him put into foster care, so now Levi was being passed from house to house. The foster parents either couldn’t handle him, or he couldn’t handle them. It was usually the first one, simply because he was stubborn and tended to be pissy towards them. Although that usually came with a teenager, he had grown up too soon and thought more like an adult than a teenager so that’s why the foster parents couldn’t handle him. 

At the moment he was staying with a male by the name of Erwin Smith, and so far things had been okay because Erwin was stern enough to keep Levi under control and Levi got pissed at him a lot, but it never effected Erwin because he knew that Levi was bound to get pissed at him. Eren of course had grown used to Levi switching between houses and being thrown around, and he watched his playful friend slowly grow selectively mute and begin to hate the world. Eren hadn’t learned how harsh the world was until recently, but he still did his best to stay up and have a smile. Whereas Levi never smiled anymore, maybe a small pity smile to Eren when he’d do his best to make the raven haired male smile. Levi’s usual outfit was long clothes, usually a black turtleneck and black skinny jeans, with of course combat boots or vans. He had different colored items of that usual outfit as well, which was a bit weird but with moving so much he tried to avoid increasing the amount of stuff he had to move. So he only had three bags worth of stuff at most, occasionally a small fourth if he didn’t feel like neatly packing everything.

It was a Monday morning and of course everyone was dreadfully tired, but most of them still went to school, because their parents forced them to. Eren was already at his own locker, getting out his stuff for his first class and putting away everything he wouldn’t need. He kept glancing around for the raven haired male even though he knew it was likely that Levi would come to him as soon as he could since he always avoided everyone to his best ability. So as Eren was beginning to close his locker none other than Levi came up to him and looked up at him waiting for Eren to notice him, not bothering to tug on his sleeve or grunt or anything to get his attention. Their height difference was three inches at least, Levi being 5’3 and Eren being 5’6.

As soon as Eren closed his locker though he noticed Levi and gazed down at him, smiling happily that Levi had shown up to school. “Good morning Levi.” He greets as he ruffles his hair lightly, Levi only grunting slightly as he shook his hand off and nodded as his greeting. Eren smiles softly at his friend, already used to his pessimistic ways, “Ready for class?” He asks as he looks around at the hallway trying to find the time, “Class is probably about to start so we should get going if you don’t wanna be late.” He says while looking back at Levi for his response, Levi pulling out a pre written flash card that said, ‘I don’t care if I’m late.’ Eren read this, already knowing what it was about to say since they went through this every other day, if not every day. The brunette nodded and began walking to Levi’s class with him, knowing Levi would probably be upset with him since this could result in Eren being late; and sure enough, Levi reached up and tugged at Eren’s hair before walking beside him and looking as they approached the classroom. Levi felt bad for being so emotionless and quite rude towards Eren, but he couldn’t bring himself to smile or anything, or even express how he was feeling in general. 

As they approached the classroom Levi gazed up at Eren in case he had anything to say, “Have a good day, Levi.” He says softly to the ravenette, Levi just nodding up at him and showing him a card that said, ‘You too.’ Before walking into the classroom and starting off the day.

Throughout the day Eren and Levi had seen each other in the hallway or shared a few classes and they’d occasionally get off task, but Levi hardly focused on his work anyways so it wouldn’t matter except for Eren getting in trouble. By lunch Eren was extremely hungry since he was an active person, while Levi didn’t bother eating at all. And during lunch they didn’t really sit together because Eren used that time to be with his other best friends, Mikasa and Armin. So Levi would sit at another table and instead use this time to read or write. It made Levi a bit upset that Eren sat with them instead, but they also spent a bit of time together as well; not to mention that Eren had known them longer than he’d known Levi. So Levi never said anything and kept to himself, deciding not to butt his head into Eren’s personal life if it didn’t involve him. And while Levi didn’t bother them, Mikasa would still bother Eren about him and tell him that Levi was a bad influence for him and it wasn’t good for them to be friends; shooting Levi death glares during lunch or almost any time they’d see each other. 

Eren was aware that Mikasa didn’t like Levi -- it was obvious, but Levi never bothered her and he couldn’t see why she didn’t like him. He never questioned it though because last time he did Mikasa got upset with him and of course Eren was to blame for that. Looking over at Levi he watched as he sat alone, simply reading his book or writing in his journal. Eren felt bad for leaving him alone, but every time in the past when Eren would try to sit with him Levi would just tell him to spend time with his friends, and of course it made Eren upset but he never stayed because he assumed Levi wanted to be alone. Little did Eren know that Levi wouldn’t mind if Eren stayed, but he didn’t want to pull Eren from his other friends. 

They never talked about any of this though, it was never brought up that they didn’t understand each other’s means or why they did what they did during lunch. Eren honestly would rather be spending time with Levi since he spent weekends or his free time with Armin and Mikasa more than he did Levi, but as said before he assumed that Levi just wanted to be alone since it was their free time. 

And for the rest of the day they went through the same routine, seeing each other during few classes and in the hallway. Eren could tell there was especially something wrong with Levi though because he seemed distracted; staring into space or getting lost in what he was doing. At one point Levi had walked past his locker because he was so distracted, and Eren had to chase after him and guide him back to his locker. By the end of the day Eren was walking Levi home to his current foster home, and it was on his mind. “Levi, you seem distracted. What’s wrong?” He asks while glancing down to Levi to see if he was going to respond or not. Levi glanced up at him before shrugging; he really had no answer since he was distracted but not even he was sure. Levi looked away in thought before glancing back up to Eren since he was still looking at him. Sighing slightly he realized he couldn’t get away with no answer, so he pulled out a notecard and began writing with Eren peering over his shoulder. ‘I don’t know, I just wasn’t feeling it today.’ He shows Eren, looking at him for his answer. Eren read over it twice before nodding slightly and looking back to Levi. “Alright, I just wanted to make sure.” He says softly, then giving him a small smile. “If you need to talk about anything, just text me and we can talk.” He says, trying to reassure Levi that he was there for him. Levi watched him before nodding slightly, pulling out a pre written one that simply said, ‘Thanks.’

They soon approached Levi’s house, Eren gazing up at it, “Is he being good to you? That blonde guy?” He asks, looking to Levi as he just shrugged before nodding slightly and glancing back at him. “Yeah..I’ll see you later.” Levi said lowly before heading into the house after Eren returned the farewell. Levi would occasionally talk to Eren, but it was always quiet and weak; once in a blue moon. Eren was happy when he’d talk to him, and it even threw him off guard sometimes. And this time he was a little unprepared, but he smiled when he heard his voice. After waving bye he then headed home, already looking forward to the next day just so he could see Levi again.


	2. So It Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi goes over to Eren's to hang out and have a good time; Eren wanting to know what's up with him or at least make him feel better. But what Eren doesn't know is that Levi leaves feeling worse than he did before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy so this's the second chapter~! I hope you guys like it cx

At one point during the day Eren decided to text Levi and see if he wanted to hang out, considering what happened earlier and that maybe he could talk to Levi and find out what was bothering him earlier. He didn't want to get up in Levi’s business, but he cared about Levi and he decided it was time he finally did something about it. He wouldn't force him to tell him anything, but he would try to get it out of him to his best ability without upsetting him further. So picking up his phone he texted Levi, ‘Hey. What're you doing?’ He sends to him, deciding to leave out any emoticons now so he didn't seem overly enthusiastic, as Levi would put it. For a few moments there was no response, but finally Eren's phone went off. ‘Nothing really, why?’ Is what the message said. Eren looked down at his phone and smiled a bit at the message, just pleased that he responded. ‘I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out?’ He sends to Levi, hoping for a good response he decided to distract himself until he heard a response on his phone. 

Levi was sitting at home doing homework, avoiding his guardian at all costs since he annoyed the shit out of him. He got the first message while doing chores, then moved on to do homework so he'd be more capable of responding. Getting the second message he looked at it before sighing slightly and looking at the time. 5:39 pm. Well a few hours couldn't hurt, so picking up his phone he responded. ‘Sure, I'll come over or we’ll meet somewhere?’ He then hits send, Leaning back against the chair he was sitting in he hummed lowly to his music before deciding to get up and get on his shoes to go hang out with Eren. Just as he got his jacket on he heard his phone go off, looking over and picking it up it was from Eren. ‘Just come over, I don't feel like going out right now.’ It read. Levi put his phone in his pocket before heading out of the room and sneaking out of the house before he could be stopped. ‘Alright I'm on my way.’ He sends as he walked down the road and looked around at his surroundings. He enjoyed outdoors, he was probably outside more than in at most times unless it was summer. He always wore long clothing, nothing short ever, no short sleeves and no shorts. He had his reasons, but they probably made no sense to others and they'd probably say ‘So what?’ or ‘It doesn't matter.’, but to Levi it mattered a lot. 

He soon walked up to the house and knocked on the door, a middle aged woman with the same brown hair as Eren opening the door. Levi looked up at Eren's mum and tilted his head at her before nodding as his greeting, Carla ((Eren’s mum)) knowing about his situation and smiling softly as she let him in. “Good evening, Levi. Eren told me you were coming over.” She says softly while closing the door as Levi walked in. “Eren's back in his room.” She says as she watches Levi, having always noticed something off about Levi after everything that happened. She had said something to Eren countless times but Eren didn't know anything. Turning around Levi showed her a note card that read ‘Thanks.’ before heading off back to his room where Eren was. Carla smiled softly at the ravenette and watched him walk back to the bedroom before going back to making dinner. 

Eren heard Levi come in and was heading to his bedroom door when Levi knocked, so opening the door he saw him before letting him in. “Hey, I'm glad you showed up.” He says as Levi walks in and glances around the familiar room. The bed up against the wall and in the corner with the tv just across the room aligned with it and a chair between the door for playing games. He had a desk at the end of the bed and two shelves stacked on top of each other; a closet in the corner and that was it. It was simple and there were few things posted on the walls like posters or notes, but Levi liked it even though Eren tended to let it get messy and Levi had to clean it for him. Glancing back at Eren he pulling out a card, ‘Did you expect me to ghost you or something?’ He writes down, showing it to him and tilting his head at him. Reading the message Eren laughed softly and shook his head no as he sat on the bed, “No, but you can be slow or maybe your new guardian would've held you back or something.” He says while watching Levi as Levi walked over and sat beside him. ‘No, I just snuck out before he could notice.’ He writes down for Eren to see. Eren nodded and gently patted his back, “Makes sense. Is he that bad though? To the point where you have to sneak out?” He asks while starting up a game for them to play, Levi watched him before shaking his head no and beginning to speak as he grew more comfortable. “No, but he'd probably tell me to finish my chores or homework.” He says lowly while looking at him, deciding to talk since he wouldn't be able to write in the middle of gaming anyways. “That makes sense too.” Eren says to Levi, smiling happily at the fact that he just spoke to him. 

In the middle of the game Levi had been killed by Eren, furrowing his brows he pushed Eren to the side. “You killed me!” He exclaims, although his voice more at a normal level of speaking rather than actual yelling due to his unused voice. Eren just laughed happily, pleased with Levi's response as he looks over to him, “Did I?” He asks while grinning at Levi, watching him as Levi nodded, “You did.” He says, then turning away and ignoring him as he went back to playing the game. The best way Levi found to get under Eren's skin was to ignore him, so that's what he planned on doing at the moment. Eren immediately noticing this sat up and pouted at Levi, “Leviiii don't do this to me!” He whines as he nudges him with his shoulder. “Please don't ignore me.” He says while watching Levi closely, pausing the game to focus on Levi. But to Eren's dismay Levi kept up with ignoring him, not even glancing at him as he unpaused the game and went back to playing, Eren having to pause it again just to get Levi to look at him. Levi looked up at him, blank faced and almost emotionless, causing Eren to furrow his brows before moving and pinning Levi to the bed.

Levi was shocked at the sudden movement, looking up at him as his eyes widened. Levi was demisexual; he was aware of this because he had never felt attracted to anyone until he had grown older with Eren. He had grown a crush on Eren over the years and had gone without him noticing, but being pinned against the bed his breath hitches and he stares up at him; taking a moment to decipher if this was actually happened. “Don't ignore me.” Eren says, suddenly serious as he stares down at Levi. Levi watches him before clearing his throat a be and furrowing his brows, unable to find the ability to speak as he grew uncomfortable. Being pinned down by his shoulders he shifted softly before reaching down and pulling out a pre written card that read, ‘Fine.’ 

Eren read this before pulling his hands back, noting how shocked Levi was and how he was unable to speak as well as how surprisingly bony his shoulders were. Eren grinned playfully at him while helping Levi sit up. “Sorry, I guess I let myself get a bit rough there huh?” He asks as Levi shrugged slightly and fixed his shirt, watching him closely to see if Eren was aware of what just happened. Eren looks away at the game before picking up his controller, “Y’know your shoulders are pretty..boney.” He says, glancing over to Levi as he starts the game again and Levi picks up his own controller, “I know.” He says quietly, slowly gaining control of his voice again. “I'm boney all around.” He says, glancing to Eren before focusing back on the bed, his mood slowly dropping at the thought of him not liking him back, or that maybe the fact that Levi was frail turned Eren off. Biting the inside of his bottom lip he continued to play the game with Eren, hardly saying anything. Eren noticed how silent he had grown and decided not to say anything since he assumed he had simply made Levi uncomfortable. It would make sense since he was never a touchy person, and being pinned to the bed was probably a new experience; and he may have even gotten the wrong idea. Sure Eren was gay, hella gay, but he didn't like Levi too much since Levi had expressed his disliking for others and that he was asexual. Eren wasn't aware that Levi had changed his mind was he had realized his attraction towards Eren, so he assumed Levi didn't like him and pushed down his own feelings for Levi. He didn't feel them anymore, and he was even going to ask out his new interest; Jean Kirstein. He was funny and sure they had argued a lot but Eren was learning about him, and he was growing to like him. Speaking of which he still wanted to gossip to Levi about that and let him know what was going on his life, especially since Levi always encouraged him to talk to him. “Hey Levi, what do you think about Jean?” He asks while tilting his head at him.  
Levi glanced over at him briefly and furrowed his brows a bit, “He's a dick, with a horse face. Why?” He says bluntly, although his voice still low as he wasn't sure why Eren was asking him this. Eren laughed softly and nodded in agreement since it was true, he was pretty aggressive and his face was something interesting. “While that is true, I'm gonna ask him out tomorrow.” He says softly as he smiles, “I learned that he likes that wing place downtown, so I'm gonna take him there and get to know him better.” He says happily while glancing over to Levi, seeing that his expression hadn't changed much. Levi froze at his words, glancing over to Eren and seeing how happy he was. He must really like this guy...and to think that Levi thought he even had a small chance with Eren. He didn't say anything though, he just lost all expression and went back to the game. He was pretty lost, not necessarily heartbroken but he was just lost and it hurt. They'd known each other for so long and Eren hadn't even noticed, and if he had liked Levi at some point it went unnoticed. “So what do you think?” Eren asks Levi, glancing over to him a lot, watching as he furrowed his brows a bit and looked away before looking to Eren. 

“If you like him then go for it.” Levi says lowly, his voice faltering ever so slightly but Eren thankfully not noticing. “I do, I like him.” He says as he smiles and watches them. “Then go for it.” Levi says, just wanting this to be over with and he could go home and be alone. He felt like throwing up, this just hurt him more than he could imagine. Eren watched him before smiling softly and looking back at the screen, “I will.” He says softly. Levi nodded ever so slightly as he lost focus and kept getting killed in the game, growing worried Eren might notice how distracted he's becoming again he glanced towards him more often. He was so stressed and his anxiety was getting worse and worse, he felt terrible and he just wanted to curl up and die. And just at that moment his guardian texted him, Levi pausing the game to look at it and sighing in relief when he was told to come home. Glancing over to Eren he sighed a bit more like he was upset this time, “I have to head home.” He says as he gets up, “I'll see you later.” He adds on while watching as Eren nodded and got up to walk him out. “Yeah, well it was nice having you over.” He says softly as he walked Levi to the door to leave. 

After saying their farewells Levi head out, pulling his hood up as he glanced around before staring either ahead of him or at the ground, his mind going ninety miles an hour at the moment. He didn't want to go to school tomorrow, especially since Eren was apparently going to ask Jean out. So when he got home and made his way into his room he snapped, his stomach churning and his throat burning as he darted for the bathroom, getting sick in the toilet. It burned and tastes terrible, Levi closing his eyes tightly as he got through it before cleaning up and heading to bed. Just before bed though Erwin had told Levi that if he didn't feel better by the morning then he didn't have to go to school, and for once Levi would prefer staying home then going out. And as Levi laid there that night -- insomnia taking control of his mind, all he could think about was Eren. How sweet and kind he was, how he could make Levi smile even the very slightest, and how he was going to ask Jean out the next day. It killed Levi and he even cried, but at that moment as the anxiety, hurt, and even a hint of anger mixing inside of him, he decided he'd be staying home the next day and spending time to himself.


	3. All Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is going to ask out Jean and expects Levi to be there to support him, but when Levi's home with a sick stomach what will Eren do? Ask Jean out anyways or chicken out? How does Levi handle everything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter feels a little bit short but where I was going with it was getting off topic. Anyways, enjoy~! :D

The next day Eren was so excited but nervous at the same time; he was going to ask out his crush and he knew Levi would be there to support him! He knew Levi would be there because he was always there to support him for everything, whether it was a test, him beating up someone, or him asking someone out. So as he walked into school he immediately began looking for Levi to talk to him, and when he was nowhere to be found he assumed that he wasn't there yet. To distract himself Eren was talking to his friends and enjoying small talk when he realized it was time to go to class. He hadn't seen Levi yet so he decided to text him, ‘Hey Levi, where are you?’ He texts him, slowly beginning to grow worried that Levi wouldn’t show up.

Levi was laid in bed asleep -- having been up all night he had finally fallen asleep after Erwin bothered him about his stomach, and now he was peacefully at rest; not dead, though. His night wasn’t too well; filled with anxiety and self loathing. He was still upset about the entire Eren situation even though he could’ve done something to possibly prevent it, but there’s no guarantee that it would’ve actually served that purpose. He could’ve forewarned him that he was demisexual, which would hint that he liked someone and if Eren was smart enough he could figure out that he was the only one Levi was close to. But Levi highly doubted that could’ve done anything to steer his mind away from the Horseface at school. His sleep wasn’t that deep and that was proven when his phone went off and he slowly woke up, gazing down at the phone he saw Eren’s name and sighed before turning onto his other side and going back to sleep, but as the thought of Eren crept it’s way back into his mind he couldn’t sleep anymore and the sickness was back. Laying there, tears filled his eyes and he held his stomach, the self loathing thoughts filling his head while he cried. It was stupid, he thought, crying because Eren had chosen someone over him and he wanted it to be him he was so excited to ask out. He wanted to be good enough for Eren and earn his love; have him holding him and telling him how much he loved him. But who was Levi kidding? Levi had known all his life that there was no such thing as love; nobody could love you forever and continue on with the same person and same thing for their entire life. Levi laid there with these thoughts swarming his head, unable to think and growing irrational he decided to do something about -- give in to his urges and give himself relief. 

Eren was sitting in class still waiting on a response from Levi, sighing since he was getting lonely and even a little irritated since he assumed Levi was ignoring him; which technically he was but Eren didn’t know that. But it made him upset because Levi had been there for him for everything; to support him, to make him feel better, to give him a confidence boost. But now Eren was alone and he didn’t know what to do; he wanted to ask Jean out during lunch and that was in a few hours. At least it gave him a few hours to prepare -- but it also gave time in case Levi really would show up. Eren could only hope for the best since he didn’t ask people out too often and he could really use a wingman -- even if Levi couldn’t talk he could nudge Eren if he stuttered or even be blunt and write it down, showing it to Jean. Well Eren could easily do that himself, but he’d rather not because that may be weird or make him seem pathetic. Eren would just have to tough it out and do this himself, because so far it seemed that Levi wasn’t showing up. Sure it had only been like thirty minutes since school started, but Levi was never late unless he had an appointment, but he would’ve told Eren if he had one; probably anyways.

By lunch Levi still hadn’t shown up or responded to his texts so Eren was pretty sure that Levi was not going to be showing up. So texting Levi one last time, ‘I guess imma do this myself so wish me luck ;-;’ is all he said, then putting his phone into his pocket and walking over to Jean’s table nervously, although reassurance settled in him a bit knowing that even if Jean rejected him he could complain to Levi and not get yelled at. As he approached the table everyone looked over to him and fell silent, Jean looking to the brunette and furrowing his brows. “What is it, Jaeger?” He asks, tilting his head at him curiously that also had a look of annoyance. Eren noting this smiled a bit awkwardly and shrugged, “I was wondering if you wanted to uh…” He began stuttering on his words nervously since fear of rejection is a thing. He furrowed his brows and began to stand, “Stop mumbling and speak up, what is it?” He says, repeating himself as he took a step closer to Eren in attempt to intimidate him. It actually worked as Eren cowered slightly and looked up at Jean, looking up at him and studying his face before meeting those hazel eyes and in that split moment he made a decision.

Levi climbed back into bed, glancing over to his phone and picking it up to look at the spam. Of course it was just about how nervous Eren was about asking Horseshit out and asking where he was. Levi was growing irritated and now he was going to let Eren know this, so he opened the text box, ‘Ok.’ Is all he typed in before hitting send. He then put his phone away and stretched before getting out his homework and beginning to work on it since he had nothing else to do. He still couldn’t believe this, that Eren hadn’t figured it out and was still oblivious to the fact that Levi had a crush on him; but Eren likes him too and Levi hasn’t figured that out either. They were both so oblivious, but at least Eren had an excuse for not realizing it since he thought Levi was asexual. It was all just a mess, and Levi was growing tired of it. He wanted it to be over with already, but if that meant letting Eren date someone else he didn’t think he could handle that either. Who was he kidding though? Eren would never like him and he’d just have to accept that. It was his fault for coming out to him after all -- nobody can love an asexual; especially if they haven’t come out as demisexual yet.

Eren couldn’t believe he had just done this; it felt so wrong but right at the same time. It felt like time had froze but he could tell everyone was staring at him; he was about to get punched in the face wasn’t he? Jean hadn’t responded yet, he didn’t even pull back or anything. Their lips pressed against each other, Eren leaning into it as Jean stared at him without kissing back or pulling away. That was bad and good at the same time; but Eren was going to wait just a little bit longer before he decided to give up and break the kiss. It felt right to kiss his crush, but part of it felt so wrong like he should be kissing somebody else because at the same time he was imagining it as someone else? He couldn’t lie, he was imagining this being Levi but at the same time it wasn’t possible since Levi was shorter than him, while Jean was taller than him. It wasn’t a drastic difference like it was between him and Levi, but it was a difference nonetheless. 

Fuck, why is he thinking about the cute little Levi while kissing Jean? He likes Jean, he needs to focus on Jean and the fact that he just kissed him. Speaking of which he still hadn’t kissed back, looks like it was time to pull back. Eren pulled back and looked up at Jean, blushing darkly at the look on his face. He look bewildered, shocked, like someone had just told him his dog that he doesn’t even own died, but now he’s trying to recall if he had a dog or not. Or that he just saw the dog in the road and he doesn’t know what to think; Eren didn’t know, but he looked shocked and was blushing almost as darkly as Eren was. 

Was this really happening? Jean was just sitting with his friends and Eren walked up to him; his crush since the beginning of the year when he saw him half nude in the boy's locker room. They had hated each other before and always bitched at each other, but they couldn’t deny that they cared about each other. Now Jean was growing to like him, but he wouldn’t let anyone know ‘cause as far as he knew Eren and Levi were together -- considering how much they were glued to each others side and Levi never seemed to talk to anyone except Eren and maybe Hanji and Erwin. Yet here he was kissing him and Jean could feel him shaking as their lips touched -- he wanted to kiss back, but there was the fear. The fear that this was some prank; the fear that Levi would kill him if he found out, or that Eren was just using him to make Levi upset. He didn’t want to get between them, that’s why he never came out to anyone; let alone tell Eren he had a crush on him. But when he felt Eren depart and he looked at him he saw that they shared the same expression, the look that they would kill each other or something bad was about to happen. As Jean looked at him he realized Levi wasn’t around and there likely wasn't any way that he’d find out unless someone told him. 

Levi sat in bed, staring down at his laptop as he tried to do work and keep himself distracted from the thought of the two shitheads dating; but that was probably due to him liking one of those shitheads so much. But the thought of them loving up on each other and sharing secrets, holding each other until they fell asleep, cuddling and laughing; it sickened Levi and he just wanted to yell at Eren until he understood. He wanted to make sure Eren knew how much he was hurting him, but he couldn’t blame him because he probably didn’t even know. Eren probably doesn’t even like him so he should stop focusing on himself and let Eren make the decisions that’ll make him happiest. With this in mind he thought back to the blatant message, realizing that might spark Eren to question if he was upset he quickly grabbed his phone and saw that Eren hadn’t read the message yet. Relaxing a bit he began typing, ‘Sorry about that, Erwin was talking to me when I read it and he was getting angry.’ He looks at the message, it was a lie; an excuse. But Levi couldn’t care less at this moment as he hit send once more and put his phone away. Looking back to his laptop he wouldn’t even know what that single message has managed to do.

Another kiss; they were sharing another kiss. Jean had realized that Eren may truly like him and went in for another kiss and pressed his lips against Eren’s. The feeling was bliss for him as their lips collided, sure there was a small feeling of guilt that maybe he shouldn’t have kissed him again, but he was blinded by the happiness that coursed through his body at the kiss. It felt wonderful, and they began moving their lips against each other so freely, and again they felt alone but nearly half of the school was watching them and he knew that Levi was bound to find out now. And as they kissed and enjoyed this moment a ringtone was heard, Eren pulling back as he realized it was his own phone and that happened to be Levi texting him. He wanted to continue texting but since Levi wasn’t there he was worried that maybe Levi needed something. Looking up at Jean he gave a smile before checking his phone, then sighing when he realized it wasn’t important at all. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes softly while looking up at Jean, “It was just Levi.” He adds as Levi’s name slipped off his tongue so effortlessly, but whenever he said Jean’s name it felt like he had to force it out at times. “I was going to ask if you wanted to go out on a date, but we’ve already kissed before the first date.” He jokes lightly while grinning up at Jean as Jean furrowed his brows a bit before laughing some and shaking his head. “You make a good point, but I’m up for a date, Jaeger.” He says while watching him.


	4. Why Do This To Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi spent some time at Eren's house only to leave after a while, ending up at the park he made a new acquaintance and spent the night walking around town. How does Eren find out? What will Eren do? Could this technically be Eren's fault?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo~! Sorry it took so long to get this up I got writers block over spring break which is really ironic since I thought I'd get a lot done on spring break xc

It was the weekend now, Levi was sitting on Eren’s bed while listening to Eren gossip about how his date with Horseshit had gone. With each word that passed Levi fell deeper and deeper, realizing how easily he could be replaced. Eren had spent Friday at the movies with Jean, where they apparently ended up making out. Meanwhile Levi had never been kissed, or even dated much people; his excuse was that he was ace but he felt so gay for Eren it wasn’t even funny. He knew Eren was bisexual, and that meant even more competition for him. He felt he should just give up, and sure he said that a few days ago but he had gained the strength to try again, and now it had just left him. He realized how much Eren liked Jean, how much they seemed to click even though they hated each other just a few months ago. Levi told himself to just leave it be, let it go and not think about it anymore; but he couldn’t help it. They were best friends, they were supposed to be able to tell each other anything but Levi had kept so much to himself that it wasn’t even remotely funny anymore.

Eren had noticed how distant Levi was becoming that day as he was telling him all about how the date had went, how he had so much fun with Jean and how they had ended up making out. How Eren was finally pushing himself from being so attached to Levi and he was becoming independent; it sounded really bad when in reality it was kind of good since Eren was so attached to him and for the longest time stuck on the idea of dating Levi and that they’d be together. But now he was starting to date other people and become his own person and that made him happy; he didn’t have to rely on Levi anymore and he could do things himself. He noted how Levi was quieter than usual -- which sounded weird for a mute person, but it was true. Levi was just looking at him or looking down at his lap as he messed with his sleeve, and it seemed Levi didn’t like this story. That something was bothering him, and as this idea clicked in Eren’s head he immediately turned it towards Levi as he paused. “Hey, are you okay? You seem really distant.” He says softly while watching him closely for his reaction. 

Levi jumped slightly as he looked up from his lap, looking up to Eren as he simply nodded his head. He was too uncomfortable to talk at the moment but luckily he was good at hiding that from Eren. Sure they may be best friends, but Levi knew how to hide things from Eren because of that. It really was terrible since you shouldn’t hide things from your best friend, but for Levi he thought it would be easier for the both of them. He wouldn’t have to be so exposed to Eren and Eren wouldn’t be bothered by all of Levi’s constant problems and how fucked up his life was. His life would actually probably be easier because he’d have an outlet that might be able to help him since he had seen so many therapists since his mother died and very little of them had worked -- a few had given him advice he actually listened to and stuck with, but so far he hadn’t been helped long-term. Levi had problems, Eren had problems. Levi knew Eren’s problems and couldn’t help while Eren didn’t know Levi’s problems but would be able to help, well at least be an outlet for him. It was all a big mess for them, except for the fact that Eren was only vaguely aware that Levi was having major problems in his life and with himself.

“I’m fine.” Levi says quietly while looking at him, watching him to see if Eren could see through his lie or not -- which usually he couldn’t. “Are you sure? You know you can talk to me.” Eren says softly while watching him closely. He seemed suspicious and there’s two ways Levi can take this; continue to lie and play it off like nothing or tell him that he doesn’t like the idea of Jean and him dating. Biting the inside of his bottom lip he sighed and shook his head. ‘I’m fine, really, I just don’t think that Jean will be good for you.’ He decides to write down, looking away as he showed him the card -- thinking that Eren might get the hint and figure out that Levi liked him. Alas, Eren didn’t get the subtle hint which was more or less a good thing, but he did look caught between confused and offended. “What do you mean? I know we didn’t get along at first, but we really like each other now.” He defended, clearly not liking that Levi didn’t see them going well together.

Sighing Levi shook his head, knowing it was pointless to argue or comment as he began to get up and glance towards Eren. ‘I know you’re blinded by your feelings and emotions. That’s why I didn’t say anything.’ He writes down while furrowing his brows and putting his phone in his pocket. ‘I have to get home before curfew otherwise Erwin will kill me.’ He adds on as he began walking towards the door, needing an excuse to leave the conversation. He really did feel bad for being so blunt and not giving him much attention recently, but it was growing to be too much for him especially since he liked Eren and he didn’t see that changing any time soon.

“Wha..? Wait Levi, something’s obviously wrong. I want to talk about it.” He says while watching Levi as he moved towards the door. He immediately stood up and moved over, placing his hand on the door. He realized that he may have overreacted a bit since he did ask Levi what was wrong and Levi had told him. He just didn’t understand -- if Levi didn’t like them together why didn’t he say anything sooner? It would only make sense that he would try to start it before anything happened between them. He didn’t want to hurt Levi by being with someone else, although he didn’t see how dating someone could possibly hurt him since they were just best friends after all. Maybe it was because Levi was worried he’d get distracted from school because that’s usually what he was told.

Levi looked up at him and shook his head, ‘There’s nothing to talk about. I just think that Jean will get in the way.’ He writes quickly, deciding not to be detailed with what he meant by that. Hopefully he could read that he didn’t want to talk any further or that he could tell that that’s exactly what he meant; which wasn’t a lie. Eren paused while watching him before sighing and hugging him close, “Okay..” He says softly, “I’ll make sure he doesn’t get in the way of school or our friendship.” He says, making sure Levi knew that they’d always be best friends no matter what happens. Levi felt his embrace and paused before hugging back hesitantly and slowly resting his head against his chest since that’s what was directly in front of him. “Thanks then..” Levi mumbled quietly while sighing and glancing up at him. He could tell Eren really cared for him and his opinion, and right now that was enough to make him feel better. Sure he was pretty upset that Eren and Jean now had a thing going on, but what could he do? “Just keep your grades up, and I’ll see you later I really have to go.” He says lowly while beginning to pull back as he looked up to Eren. Eren laughed softly as he held Levi close and looked down at him, deciding to mess with him.

Their faces were so close, yet not close at all really because of their height difference, but they were still pretty close none the less. Levi could faintly feel his hot breath on his face and furrowed his brows a bit while looking up at him, sure he had always wanted a kiss from Eren but not like this. He wanted it to be when they finally confessed or on accident; something cliche. Not when Eren was now going out with someone else and Levi was just wanting to go home and be a loner. Levi would still kiss back regardless because it wasn’t everyday your best friend that you had a crush on kisses you. But of course, as they’re staring at each other and it was pretty cliche Eren just grinned and laughed. “The look on your face!” He exclaims as he laughs, his arms falling to his sides as he took a step back and placed his arms over his stomach while laughing. 

Levi watched him blankly before furrowing his brows, “What the fuck, Jaeger?” He asks weakly while watching the brunette as he laughed, his voice starting to give out again. Why did he even think for a moment that Eren was actually going to kiss him? Especially while he’s dating Jean, it made no sense and Levi had extremely high hopes for that to happen. Why would he do that? Even if he wasn’t dating Jean? It made no sense; he must be really desperate for him to think that’ll happen. Eren just laughed as he found the look on his face funny, at least he had no idea what Levi had wanted in that situation.

As Eren slowly relaxed he looked at Levi while grinning, then wiping his face off. “Heh..sorry you just looked so blank..” He says while panting a bit as he tried to catch his breath. “Anyways, it’s going to get late. You should probably get back home.” He says while watching him, Levi nodding as he sighed. “I’ll see you later.” He mumbles as he left the room, Eren following after him quickly. “Hey, I’m still going to walk you to the door like a gentleman.” He says happily and jokingly, Levi only glancing back at him at his words before he knelt down and began slipping on his shoes.

Eren could tell something was bothering Levi soon, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. He now knew that Levi didn’t like the idea of Horseface and him dating, which he assumed it was because of school and that Jean couldn’t care less about school. He’d have to make sure his prime focus was school, but at the moment he was simply enjoying the fact that he finally had an actual relationship and he was having fun. Not to be a hater, but he didn’t have as much fun as he used to with Levi as he used too; they might actually be growing apart. While that thought scared him, he knew he couldn’t crowd Levi because he’d probably push him away more than he already has. That’s why he left Levi to be, not wanting to make him uncomfortable or get too deep in his business so things got uncomfortable between them. It was a big mess and he knew in the long run if something happened to Levi, god forbid it would probably be him doing something to himself; Eren would ultimately blame himself and never let it go that he didn’t help Levi when he needed him most and was out making out with some Horseface he used to hate. Luckily he didn’t think that would happen, but you never know. Levi’s mum got sick out of nowhere...so who knows what could happen to him.

Meanwhile Levi was both happy and upset that Eren didn’t bother him too much; he was happy because it would be irritating, but it upset him because sometimes it really felt like he couldn’t care less and at times Levi felt like breaking down and crying in his arms. But he knew that would never happen especially since his body refused to let him cry in public -- at least too much at once. He knew Eren cared and was probably just too ignorant or was actually being considerate, but they didn’t even talk about his mum’s death since it happened or anything to do with it, or how Levi felt about it. He didn’t know anymore, but nothing felt right and now things were starting to fall apart with him and Eren and he didn’t think he could hold out much longer.

Levi left that night with a farewell and one last hug between them, and as he was walking down the road he found himself growing anxious with the thought of going home, but he felt anxious about going back to Eren’s; why would he even do that? That would raise more questions and he may even get grounded by Erwin from seeing Eren and that’d be pretty bad even though he could see him at school. He basically felt anxious about everything, so he just needed to be alone and away from anyone and everyone. So he walked to the park; the only place he could think that he’d be at least relatively alone and more than likely no one would bother him. The park was probably his most visited place for him aside from the cemetery where his loved ones were buried. He did his best to stop going to the cemetery as consistently as he had been before, and it had gone well until the school year started and his stress and anxiety got worse; which most people ignored that completely but he was used to it. 

He soon arrived at the park and looked around at the all too familiar setting, then walking to the tree where he usually sat when he came there at night -- or in general. Walking he continuously looked around since he didn’t want a cop showing up or a bad person confronting him mainly because Levi would be too weak to fight them off and he’d be trapped. Luckily no one seemed to be around and he comfortably made his way to the tree and slid down, letting his knees bend to his chest and he rested his chin onto his knees, closing his eyes briefly to relax as he sighed. Opening his eyes he looked around one last time before leaning his head back and looking up at the trees as the sun began to set. This was all too cliche for Levi and he’d be happier if it was like daylight or something, but that’d mean more people so for now it was perfectly fine since he didn’t think he’d be able to handle anyone else being there. 

Sighing he reached into his pocket and pulled out his earbuds and phone, then began listening to music. Sure it was a terrible idea because if someone walked up he may not be able to hear them, but he’d try to keep an eye out for that. He turned on Pandora and just let it play, not bothering to skip songs unless they were too peppy for his little depressing moment he was having, and so far it was nice and depressing. Humming along with his songs he tapped his foot or his hand against his knee, looking around and looking up at the sky to watch the sun set. It looked nice, so he picked up his phone and slide up for the camera which caused the music to stop -- which irritated him because he wasn’t even taking a video just a picture. Nonetheless he took the photo and closed the camera so he could go back to his music and he saw that he had a message from Eren. ‘Hey, you somehow managed to leave your school bag here. Want me to bring it to your house or will Erwin let you walk back here to get it? I’d suggest bringing it to you at school but that’s not exactly beneficial to you finishing your homework.’ It read, Levi reading over this before sighing heavily. He could’ve sworn that he grabbed it, but alas it wasn’t beside him like it would’ve been had he grabbed it. 

As he opened the message to respond he knew he had no choice to respond for two reasons -- he couldn’t let Eren make the decision to talk it to his house because he wasn’t home and that would cause problems; not to mention that he had the ‘read receipts’ thing on to tell people when he’s read their message. He began typing back a response when he heard something and immediately turned off his phone while taking his earbuds out, looking up as he saw another male whom seemed to be around his age if not older. Furrowing his brows while watching him a bit the male had blonde hair and very thick blonde sideburns and bright blue eyes, but Levi had no idea who he was. “Hey?” He greets waiting to see if Levi would respond, in which he raised a hand as a wave since there was no way he’d find the will strength to speak in his situation. “Okay good you can hear me.” He says while grinning, which made no sense since he just had earbuds in, which Levi nodded and gestured to the earbuds while lifting them up in his hand. Thomas eyed them before laughing a bit and nodding, “Very true. Anyways, do you smoke?” He asks while tilting his head at him. 

Levi wasn’t sure how to answer to this, what if it was an undercover cop? He could say yes thinking that maybe they’d have a conversation about it, but he runs the risk of saying yes and getting arrested or something. He didn’t know how this worked, but he eyed him and looked to see if he had a gun or anything hidden on him and it didn’t seem. And as if Thomas could tell what he was doing he grinned, “I’m not an undercover cop.” He says while kneeling down in front of him, “Can you speak?” He asks while looking around cautiously before looking back for Levi’s response. Now that he had the guys word he didn’t care too much to thoroughly make sure he actually wasn’t and only shook his head to his last question, feeling his pockets and being pleased to feel his cards and pencil. ‘I’m selectively mute, but I do smoke. Why?’ He writes down, showing it to the blonde and waiting for his response. Thomas nodded in understanding as he sat down completely, “Because I’m looking to see if anyone can spare some, but by the looks of it you don’t have any on you at the moment.” He comments as Levi paused at his words, then slowly nodding to let him know he was correct; Levi didn’t normally carry it around with him, he kept it hidden in his room and took whatever he was going to use that day. Which Levi didn’t think he was going to need any that day so he didn’t have any on him.

“Ah...alright..” He says slowly while looking around again as if he was in thought. Levi wasn’t sure about this guy, but he felt like he should know him somehow. Watching this male think he studied him a bit to see if he could figure it out. Blonde hair blue eyes, it was common around here so that didn’t really help. Thick sideburns, voice kinda sounding like his boys hadn’t dropped yet if you know what I mean, and nothing else was really identifiable between more than one person. He wasn’t sure why he had approached him, but it could be assumed that it was because Levi was the only one who seemed to be in this park. But at the moment he served well as a distraction for Levi so he wouldn’t question it for now.

He looked over at the raven haired male and smiled, “I’m Thomas Wagner, by the way.” He introduces himself a little late while watching him, “What’s your name?” He asks while watching him, expecting Levi to write it down, but now Levi was growing comfortable and he put his cards away. “Levi.” He says quietly and simply, not bothering with his last name. And with that Thomas’ face lit up, “Oh! You’re Eren’s friend!” He exclaims while watching him, Levi’s brows furrowing as he watched him. Is that how they looked familiar to each other? Was Eren their mutual connection in how they knew one another? It made sense since they were usually latched to one another’s side, so Thomas and him knew each other from school. Which was a bit unsettling since here they were talking about smoking, but the likelihood of them meeting again was unlikely unless he needed a smoking buddy again. Levi wouldn’t mind that, but it was new to him to smoke with another person. Did this mean that Eren smoked? Or was this just a thing that Thomas had picked up? Levi really couldn’t decide which was better because if Eren smoked that means he may not be as upset when he finds out that Levi does too, but if he did that also meant that he had started something against himself without telling Levi -- that would make Levi a hypocrite considering he had a shit ton of stuff he hadn’t told Eren, but still. If he didn’t that was on less bad habit that Eren didn’t have, but that means he’s more likely to get extremely upset if he finds out, but for all Levi knew he was just overthinking this and Eren would just tell him that it was okay.

“Wanna help me look for some, then?” Thomas asked Levi, figuring that they both seemed to have nothing to do and at least one of them were desperate for some happy medicine. “Sure.” Levi said after briefly thinking, given the factors that he needed a better distraction and if anyone came looking for him they’d know to look in the park. So this was perfect to get his mind off of things as well as get him away from the most obvious place for him to be. So standing up with Thomas he put his phone in his back pocket, and they were on their way while discussing the best places to look; completely disregarding if either of them needed anywhere to be at a certain time. As they walked Levi let any worries of his friends and foster family slip away, finding those worries restricting from the current subject. At one point Levi felt his phone go off, but reached back and turned it off since he couldn't care less who was bothering him and he was having a conversation with Thomas at the moment about which ones he liked the best and all the had tried and such. But he wasn't aware that he was going to be taking a trip away for a week by the time 24 hours passed.

Eren had sent him a text almost thirty minutes ago, and he watched and within thirty seconds Levi had read the message. Although he read it the minutes passed and he still hadn’t heard back from him and he was growing worried because it wasn’t like Levi to read a message and not respond. By the time an hour had passed and Eren had sent him plenty of messages asking him to respond and if was okay and such; he didn’t read those so he obviously didn’t respond. It was passed Levi’s curfew so he was wondering if Levi got home late and got grounded, but by now he should’ve noticed his bag was missing right? He couldn’t handle this anymore, if something had happened to Levi and Eren had the possibility of knowing he wasn’t going to not do anything about it and risk him getting hurt. So he did the one thing that’s going to piss Levi off if he ends up not being in a life threatening situation; call Erwin. Well first he’d have to tell his mum since he didn’t have Erwin’s number. But it was the same concept really.

In the end he decided he’d walk to his house and give him his bag personally, or at least hand it to Erwin assuming he’d be the one to get the door. Letting his mother know about the situation she approved and let him go, but told him to only give him the bag and leave immediately after that since it was dark. Eren followed his rules and walked to Erwin’s house where Levi was staying, looking around in the darkness. He saw two people walking but didn’t say anything and just minded his own business. When he arrived he knocked on the door, the tall blonde almost immediately opening the door to expose the brunette that had Levi’s bag. “Uh hello Mr. Smith, Levi forgot his bag and he wasn’t responding to my texts. So I thought I’d bring it here.” He says softly and politely since Erwin really was a scary guy and the last thing Eren wanted was to upset him. 

Erwin looked really confused at first, and that look didn’t falter. “What do you mean?” He asks, “I thought he was still at your house.” He says while watching the young brunette as he grew confused as well. Did that mean that Levi was walking around as hypothesized, or had something actually happened? “No, he left about two hours ago and I texted him a bit after he left.” He explains, “He read my first message and didn’t respond, so I proceeded to text and call him and the texts weren’t read and the call was ignored.” He adds on as Erwin grew a bit more concerned or pissed, and he nodded. “Thank you Eren, he’s not here but I’ll go look for him.” He says, “Did your mother say you could stay a bit longer or should you be heading home?” Erwin asks, figuring that if Eren could stay he might as well use the help. “My mother said I had to be home, sir, but if you need the help I think my mum would understand.” Eren says while watching Erwin as he set the bag down in the living room before returning to the door with shoes on. “It’s fine, go ahead and I’ll walk you home so I can talk to your mother before I head out.” Erwin says to Eren as he complied and lead the way back to his own house; and so the hunt for Levi began.

~Teaser~

Levi was so angry about this, sitting on the room with other people that were supposedly like him but he knew that he was nothing like. He was smarter than them, especially since he was only here because of the other shitty people he's forced to be around. He could be at home simply grounded, but instead he was here with no personal belongings or clothing. He was wearing a white sweater; not like his usual turtlenecks just a plain retarded sweater, and white pj pants since he refused to wear anything colorful and they didn't have black. He was stuck here for two weeks, and he already felt like killing everyone there and Erwin who was peacefully back at home with no worries or anything. Eren didn't even know where he was, and he didn't want him to know either. He wanted this to stay between him, Erwin, and everyone here in this building. Other than that he'd never forgive anyone if it started getting around because to him it was a fucking stupid situation that wasn't even his fault and he shouldn't be there just because he's an independent teenager aside from almost every other teenager he knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyways, I hope you like this one! Things are finally picking up, so I'm sorry if it was rushing before because I'm really working on it and I'm hoping now that we're slowly getting closer to the climax it'll slow down a bit ;-;


	5. Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's whereabouts are now made known, but it just pushes him further into the pit he was stuck in. With terrible workers there and an angry man showing up to irritate Levi, but it ends up getting him home. It sound exciting and the first thing he does is visit Eren, but Eren's already visiting with someone when he arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo~! I'm so sorry for not posting in awhile, as said if you didn't see I've been busy with school and such and I got stuck at some point. But with the help of a friend and reading Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury I've found inspiration and ideas and here we go :D hopefully updates will be more persistent, but I did my best to keep this chapter as good as I can manage for you.

They spent all night looking for Levi, checking all over town for him. Erwin thought he had found him plenty of times, but it ended up being some random person each time. Around two in the morning Levi was found sitting back in the park smoking cannabis, despite the park having been looked through at least three times before this. Needless to say, Erwin was extremely upset and the next day a very big decision was made without the consent, thought, or input of others. What that decision was? Only Erwin, Levi, the school, and the workers and other patients knew about. It really was terrible because Eren didn’t know and it would seem as if he was just skipping out on school for a week or so. Which for once he couldn’t believe that he’d actually rather be in school, but that was because it was hell and that also meant he’d have a lot of homework to do when he got back to school; he doubt Erwin even took that into mind. 

He just wanted to leave, have a French exit and leave without saying goodbye. Confess his love for Eren, then leave with him and start a new life somewhere else and find happiness in a new life with his lover. But he knew that’d only happen in his dreams, that’s another reason why he wanted to fall into an eternal sleep. Not really, that sounds like a retarded reason since it would be due to someone else not liking him -- Levi had more problems than that to worry about. For example how he was being forced to go to this stupid place when he was nothing like them; he wasn’t insane or wanting to kill others...he just wanted to kill himself. Okay so it was pretty obvious why he was there, but it wasn’t going to help at all and that was obvious, not to mention that wanting to kill others is worse than wanting to kill himself.

Sitting in the front room as he was forced to be around others he kept his mouth shut for many reasons -- the main two obviously being that he was selectively mute and plainly didn’t speak that often if at all. The other patients were conversing between each other, playing board games, crossword puzzles, simple stuff like that. Levi sat as close to the corner as possible, doing nothing except looking between everyone and waiting for when he’d be dismissed to go to his own room or at least somewhere else. Really with him acting like this it made him seem like the insane and creepy person in horror movies that sits around just staring at others and saying nothing; which in a way he was that person. Although right now he couldn’t help it as he was under 24 hour watch and had been in this room since morning, having been forced to eat a bit of breakfast, or at least as much as he could stomach which wasn’t a lot with how little he ate in general. It had been a few hours since then and they were about to have lunch, which he assumed he’d be forced to eat then too and they’d probably force him to eat more than he could handle. With that in mind he prepared himself to throw up soon, but they’d probably tell him that it was helping him get used to eating again.

Eren was sitting in school the next day, not understanding where Levi was since Erwin had found him last night and you’d assume that he’d be forced to go to school after everything that happened. He only knew of this though because his mother gave him permission to stay up until they got word on Levi, although he fell asleep anyways and was told in the morning that Levi was found and would be grounded for a while, but that’s all he was told. So sitting there in class, hardly able to focus with the worry of where Levi could possibly be after the mess he caused there was no doubt that worry had found its way to him. He’d text him, but figuring that his phone was taken away since he was grounded he left it alone, but he desperately wanted word on him. Figuring his mother knew something Eren would probably ask about it when he went home, but there was no guarantee that he’d get a straight answer or one at all.

Sure enough a nurse walked up to Levi and let him know it was time for lunch, all of the other patients getting up and heading to the cafeteria as Levi sat there, the nurses understanding that he had an eating disorder and didn’t like to eat in front of others and people he didn’t know too well. Of course they’d force him to eat in front of them, but they did their best to make him comfortable and whatever they could do to get him to eat. After a few moments Levi had convinced them to get food for him, Levi sitting there silently and patiently as he looked out of the window and waited for the nurse to come back, another one sitting in the room to keep an eye on him since he was under 24 hour surveillance after all. Once the food was brought back to him he looked down at it, it smelt terrible and looked disgusting, like something they pulled out of a pig’s feed. But nonetheless he knew he’d be forced to eat it, so he picked up the fork and hesitantly began eating, furrowing his brows at the bland taste and sighed as he ate as much as he could. Once he did that they began insisting that he eat more, Levi trying to protest but they were so persistent he didn’t want to argue or be yelled at, so he forced more down until he was positive he couldn’t choke down anymore. It was terrible, but they finally let up and took the tray away, Levi sighing and immediately going for the bathroom as it hit him he was going to be sick soon and he’d rather not be sick in front of the others...even though it was only nurses at the moment since the others were still in the cafeteria enjoying themselves.

As Levi made it into the bathroom and into a stall, he didn’t even bother in closing the stall door all the way as he let it all out. Gagging and hacking, it all came up -- even breakfast. He started sweating from the all too uncomfortable feeling and how terrible he felt at the moment while everything he had eaten in the last 24 hours made it’s way up. The chicken was probably the worst part, but details aren’t needed for this. Sitting down on the floor that was probably filthy and disgusting he leaned his head back and caught his breath, the awful, burning taste caught in the back of his throat as he took a moment before getting up. He then flushed the toilet, washed his hands and face before cleaning up the toilet with a wet and soapy paper towel. It was disgusting, but so was everything about this god awful place. He swore they only cleaned twice a year; and that’s giving them the benefit of the doubt. Everything was dusty and the floor was covered with undefinable substances -- okay that made it sound a bit more filthy than it was, but it was still covered in water and probably piss as well. 

After cleaning everything up to his best ability since he got ahead of himself, but it didn’t take too long until one of the nurses were coming in to see him scrubbing at the floor with a wet and soapy paper towel. “What’re you...what’re you doing?” He asked hesitantly, not sure if he actually wanted to know the answer to that. Levi looked up and furrowed his brows at the nurse grumbling slightly before going back to scrubbing. “Cleaning this shitty place.” He mumbled to his, moving along from his current spot and began scrubbing in the next place. The nurse watched him confused for a few moments before shaking his head and moving over, “We have a custodian for that.” He says as he kneels down to Levi, “Now throw that away and come on, you know you’re not supposed to be left alone for any longer than a few minutes for obvious reasons.” He adds on as Levi looked up and met his gaze, glaring at him and grunting at him. “I don’t care, your custodian obviously isn’t doing their job because this place is fucking disgusting.” He snaps as he continued scrubbing at the ground. He wasn’t too strong at the moment, but he had an impulse to clean so he did it. 

The nurse was growing irritated with him and placed a hand on his upper arm to try and gesture him up, “If you have a complaint you can file it or tell him yourself, but I doubt anyone will care about the stuck up kids opinion.” He retorts to Levi as he began to force him up. Levi grunted as he was forced up and glared at him once more, “I’m no more stuck up than you are, piece of shit. I just expect that a shitty place could at least feel decent.” He snaps while sitting up and picking himself up. “And I can get myself up, so get your filthy hands off of me.” He says before dropping the paper towel and walking out of the room, leaving him to pick it up and such. 

Levi was so unsatisfied with everything at the moment -- his life, this shitty place, his shitty foster family, and how ignorant Eren was. Although he couldn’t change any of that, except maybe changing his perspective at the moment. He didn’t know what to do though because he didn’t think his perspective or thoughts would be changing anytime soon especially considering his shitty situation at the moment. He got it, he got that he made a shitty mistake and now some of his secrets were exposed and they, in some fucked up way, are trying to help him and such. Although it wasn’t working, and it won’t get better until it gets worse. Eren would have to find out what Levi was doing, what he wanted, what he needed, that he liked him. That he’d never like anyone else except him and if he believed in love he was pretty damn sure that he’d be drowning in how deep he was in this shit. 

~Time skip~

It had been a week since Eren had last seen Levi and everything had been living hell since then. The first couple of days everything was decent because he figured Levi would be back in no time, but by the time they reached the fifth day Eren was crushed; worried and left distraught, confused and lost, over all growing depressed. He didn’t think it was anything long term because all he was thinking about was Levi. Levi, oh Levi. The discretely sweet, caring, and thoughtful male that everyone thought was emo yet emotionless. It made no sense in many different ways, but Eren loved him all the same and just wanted to see him again. And despite wanting to see Levi again, loving him and wanting to cherish him, confess all of his loving and not-so-pg 13 thoughts to him, let him know that he may not have a bloodline left but Eren was still there for him. Despite all of this, Eren was still seeing Jean, everyday in school and after school, that weekend he had seen him and for some reason his mother had allowed him to stay the night. He guessed it was because she knew how he felt about Levi, but despite it all they cuddled all night long and at one point got a bit too touchy with each other -- no there hadn’t been intercourse or anything, no penetration, but they did grope each other a little and rub up against each other. It started out playful, Jean trying to cheer him up and distract him from whatever piece of shit had made him upset as Jean put it. Eren didn’t even stick up for Levi, he just made a small laugh and indulged in the playfulness. He wouldn’t admit that he had feelings for Levi, it was still just a pathetic crush. So what if it had been a few years? He hadn’t made a move on Levi yet he easily made a move on Jean after only liking him for a week or so; and there was the possibility that it was the subconsciousness of knowing that Levi was asexual, but Eren hadn’t even thought of trying to confess. There was no consideration, he just blew it off and let it go. He was going to move on from this, let Levi go since it was clear Jean and him were meant to be and Levi would be the loner he was meant to be.

That afternoon Eren hung out with Jean yet again and he wasn’t playing around anymore. He was irrational and upset, Jean well aware of this and doing what he could -- even though he had been on his phone quite a bit lately, seemingly texting someone but Eren couldn’t tell. He was tired of all of this; Levi leaving him without another word, ignoring his texts and phone calls, Jean being distracted with whatever the fuck was so entertaining on his phone. Mikasa being busy with school and her MMA, Armin being busy with school and clubs and UIL. He wasn’t having it anymore and the first target was Jean, mainly because he was already there. That day they got each other off, again no penetration or anything, just rubbing and groping. As much as it felt good to finally distract himself, something felt terrible about it. He felt guilty after Jean had left and he didn’t even know why. It was completely beyond him....that is until he walked Jean downstairs and to the door since it was time to leave. He was standing in the door frame watching as Jean walked to his truck, sweat still lightly covering his shirtless body, hair stuck to his forehead a bit. He saw a familiar figure walking down the sidewalk, black turtleneck, black skinny jeans, combat boots, raven black hair, pale white skin barely visible. Levi. Could it be? It couldn’t, there was no way. Levi was gone, ignoring everyone, nonexistent, a piece of memory. Eren quickly reached into his phone and pulled it out, it had gone off a few times during his time with Jean.

‘Hey, I’m sorry I was gone for awhile.’ Thirty minutes ago. ‘What’re you doing? I thought it might be a good idea to hang out and catch up.’ Thirty five minutes ago. ‘I know you have a tendency to lose your phone, so I’m gonna head over anyways.’ Twenty minutes ago. It took about fifteen minutes for Levi to get to his house, ten if he was in a hurry, five if Erwin was driving him. Eren lifted his head and look back at the figure that was now at the corner of the street. It had to be, it was the same haircut and everything. Setting his phone down he darted out of the house, slamming the door shut behind him. What was he doing? A few hours ago Eren was telling himself he was done with Levi, that he didn’t need him anymore, he could live without him. He went from saying he was going to save himself for Levi to wanting to be rebellious and start something sexual with Jean, yet here he was run -- running after someone who may not even be Levi. “Levi!” He yelled, realizing that Levi must’ve been standing at the front door when Eren was doing stuff with Jean. Had he heard them? Lord he hoped not, just because he wouldn’t want to face the embarrassment of having to admit that he was touching Jean to his crush. Fuck, what was he saying? He didn’t like him anymore, he liked Jean and Jean liked him, Levi liked no one and no one like Levi. “Levi!?” He yelled again, already so close to the figure. It was then he noticed the thin white wires from his pocket up to his ears, realizing he was listening to music and probably couldn’t hear for shit. Eren ran a bit faster as Levi took the turn, panting softly as he finally reached him and slowed down to a jog once he was a few steps away. “Levi!” He yells one last time and places his hand on his shoulder, Levi flinching from the sudden touch and voice as he lifted his head and turned, looking up at him. Levi looked at him with wide eyes before furrowing his brows and glaring at him as he took an earbud out, almost saying something before he realized he didn’t have the strength to. Despite having been forced to speak over the week at the mental asylum it didn’t effect his disorder or anything, probably made it worse even. Eren couldn’t help but smile at his friend, having missed him so much he pulled him into a tight hug. All of the anger, his sadness and how upset he was, it was all gone. “I missed you so much! Where have you been?” He asks a bit excitedly while holding him close to himself, noticing that Levi was seemingly...thicker? It felt as if he had gained a bit more weight, where really was he?

Levi paused, noticing the fact that he was shirtless and seemed a bit hot, it could’ve been that he was just running -- but he heard unforgivable, unforgettable, and simply heartbreaking sounds. He had become well aware that Eren’s mum was not there and Jean was, which meant that they could do virtually anything they wanted to. Levi could assume that they had touched each other, and whether or not it was the first time didn’t matter to him. It was the thought that even with Levi being gone for a week Eren was perfectly fine and captivated by Jean’s company. It hurt, a lot, the thought that Levi could’ve been dying or have been dead and Eren would be getting off with Eren without a second thought. Feeling Eren pull from the hug as Levi was left more speechless than usual; if that was possible, it was then that his smile faltered. Levi stared at Eren’s bare ass chest before looking up to meet Eren’s now heartbroken, confused, concerned, and worried look. It was amazing the emotion that just eyes and facial expression could hold, and what it could hide. “Levi…” Eren said lowly as he reached a hand up and gently ran it over Levi’s swollen cheek. How this had gone past Eren when he first approached Levi was beyond him, but now he was well aware. Levi flinched at the hand that brushed his new injury, pulling his head back as he shook his head. “What happened?” Eren asked, his voice slowly growing stern as he realized that someone had done this, had inflicted pain onto his best friend, that Levi could’ve been gone for a week because he was hurt and here he was, getting off with the one of many people that Levi disapproved of. The guilt was there, this was why Eren felt terrible during his little session with Jean, it was because he knew that Levi would find out and that it would be Eren’s fault if he lost Levi. At that question, the question of what had happened to bruise up Levi’s face; give him a black eye, bruised cheeks, and an unkissable busted lip. What had happened?

It had been a week since Levi was admitted, and he had another week or so left still. He wasn’t sure How much longer he could last here, everyone here was so annoying and this really angry man had been admitted and put in the same wing as him. They were constantly eyeing each other but for the most of it Levi couldn’t care less about him, he wasn’t affecting him or harming him so Levi paid him no mind except for irritating him by glancing over at him. That Sunday, the man had had enough of Levi. Why did he pick Levi? Why was Levi the one chosen to be his next victim; what made him stick out from the others? It was probably how ominous he was, silent and only observing others, not doing anything except sitting there and looking around, constantly being watched by the workers. But Levi did nothing wrong, or did he? Whether or not he did he felt as if he was the worst person in the world after everything was done with. “What’s your problem little guy?” The man asked as he peered down at the raven haired male, Levi only glancing up at him and furrowing his brows. He wasn’t uncomfortable so his reason for not speaking was that he didn’t want to waste his voice on someone so retarded. “What’s wrong? Mama taught you not to talk to stranger?” He asks while smirking mockingly at the shorter male that was currently seated. Levi watched him unamused, only tilting his head slightly in response as the useless workers only sat around and watched. This only aggravated the male further, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him onto his feet, and this is what made Levi get pissed. Furrowing his brows he glared at the male and smacked his hand away, “Don’t put your filthy hands on me.” He said lowly, although voice filled with hatred and annoyance; and this’s where everything went wrong. “Aw is the little boy getting offended? Do you need me to call your mommy?” He asks tauntingly as Levi glared further, knowing physically he was no match for him he decided he’d have to use words, but at the moment he was thinking irrationally and he could only defend himself. “My mother is fucking dead, you asshole.” He snaps angrily, hoping that maybe, just maybe the dick would show pity for him and back off, but obviously that would only make him laugh; literally. The male laughed and smirked at him, “So is mine, some guy killed her but man do I wish I could’ve done it.” He retorts, knowing that that would piss the shorter male off even more, and that it did. Levi couldn’t believe the words he was hearing; someone so pathetic they wish that they could’ve murdered their own mother. Anger was all he could feel at the moment, boiling inside of him like water inside of a pot that was overfilled, and he was about to spill. “You fucking sick piece of shit!” Levi yells in anger, hurting his voice terribly but not focusing on that as he lifted his weak little fist and tried to punch the male in the chest since he was too short to reach his jaw. The man just chuckled loudly and grabbed his hand, twisting his arm behind his back. If he had pulled any further Levi’s sure that his arm would’ve popped right out of his socket as easy as pulling apart a gummy worm. In a split second Levi hit the ground, kicks being given like kisses to a crying baby, over and over and over, nonstop and continuous. Tears pricked his eyes, quickly streaming down his face as he didn’t dare make a sound as his voice was already terribly hurt. Insults were spat out thoughtlessly and carelessly, not taking in account the people around them or even if the insults made sense. Next thing he knew he was being picked up off of the ground and shoved against the wall, punches thrown to his face relentlessly. Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. Numbing pain. Numbing pain. Numbing pain. Numbing. Numbing. Numbing. Numb. Numb. Numb. Numb. He was numb, he couldn’t feel it anymore, he couldn’t feel anything. Everything was black and there was a ringing in his ears, so loud it made his head hurt but all at the same time he couldn’t feel a thing. It was strange; Levi didn’t like it or how confusing any of this was. He just wanted to go home...home..he didn’t have a home. The only thing that came to mind when he thought of home was his mother’s arms, being held close when he scraped his knee and it seemed like the worst thing ever. The worst thing ever...that was losing his mum, losing his sense of security, the one place he felt safe, the one thing that reassured him everything was going to be alright. He hadn’t known that feeling in a really long time, and he didn’t think he’d ever know it again. He’d been lost ever since it happened, wandering mindlessly in hope that he’d get to see his mother’s face again, that he himself would get to smile again and be carelessly happy. Now all he knew was being numb, being in pain, wanting to just disappear. 

Levi had woken up in the hospital, the cliche bright light he found was real as it hurt his eyes. Closing his eyes tightly he then heard a voice...soft and almost caring. “You’re awake, Levi.” The voice says, it was very feminine and light. He opened his eyes again and looked around until he spotted the strawberry blonde female, eyeing her before furrowing his brows in confusion. He didn’t understand anything of which was happening except for the fact that his entire body hurt terribly. “Don’t try to move or speak.” She orders softly while setting her clipboard down and walking closer to the bed, beginning to gently check his blood pressure. Levi slowly followed her movements before glancing down at himself, seeing that he indeed was connected to a bunch of machines, and that was when he fully acknowledged the beeping of which he assumed was his heartbeat. It sounded steady and paced, so that was good, but part of him really didn’t want to be in this room, or hearing that beeping. “You surprisingly weren’t hurt too bad, but you definitely have a minor concussion.” She explains to him, “You’re vitals look good, and you will be released tomorrow once we can be positive you’re okay.” She adds on while going over his vitals once more and doing all those nursey things. Levi nodded faintly, wincing and deciding that wasn’t a good idea and he should’ve listened to her advice on not moving. How long had he been asleep though? He was told not to speak and based on the pain in his throat he’d listen to that one, but how would he be able to ask questions? He didn’t have his index cards either, nothing he could write on -- hell, he didn’t even know if he’d be able to write at all. “Do you have a question?” The female asked while looking at him, noticing the way he was looking at her and how lost he was look. “Blink twice if yes, once if no.” She says while watching him, deciding that’d be best for now so he didn’t have to strain himself. Levi blinked twice since he really want to know how long he’d been out of it. “Alright..umm..” She hummed in thought on how she could possibly get him to communicate. The only way she could think of was sort of playing charades; saying words and him blinking to let her know if she was right or not. This would go on for awhile, yeah, but she did need to figure out his question in case it was important. “Okay so, I’m not sure about your strength on writing or anything, so I’ll say a word or a letter and you blink to let me know if I’m right or wrong. This will take awhile, but in case it’s important I think it’s worth it.” She says softly as Levi agreed even though he didn’t think his question was all that important. 

It ended up not taking that long, the nurse starting out from A and going on until she got to H, Levi letting her know that that was the first letter. She then began guessing words, the first one being ‘how’ because there wasn’t many other possibilities. L, long, H, have, I, I, B, been, A, asleep. That was it. It took about ten minutes, not too long but he knew the nurse had other stuff to do so he couldn’t help but feel guilty about this and wasting her time. The nurse sighed and looked at the clipboard, “Your admission time was between 10 and 10:30, it’s now 3 in the afternoon so you’ve been out for a little less than five hours.” She informs him, Levi furrowing his brows at the quite surprising information since he knew very well that that was borderline coma. “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but once you are asleep for six hours you will be marked down as comatose, so you almost became comatose.” She informs, Levi forgetting about the blinking and nodding slightly to let her know he was aware of this only to wince in pain, grunting slightly and then wincing in pain at his throat. The nurse sighed and shook her head at him, “I told you not to move or speak, audio effects included.” She reminds him as Levi had to huff out a breath of air in response, the nurse smiling softly. “I’m nurse Petra, by the way.” She informs, “I have to go now, if you need anything there’s a button beside your bed, which I can move closer to your hand if you’d like.” Levi blinked once for no, not thinking that he’d need to call for anyone. “Are you sure? You may need to go to the bathroom at some point or something of the sort.” She explains, causing Levi to think about it before blinking twice, figuring he’d need it just in case. Petra nodded and smiled softly, moving the button to his bed and near his hand, although not too close as to lessen the risk of him accidentally hitting it. “I’ll check on you in a bit.” She says softly before leaving the room, leaving Levi alone in the bland white room. The tv on with the volume low so it wouldn’t be disruptful, he assumed anyways. Sighing slightly he watched the unamusing tv show, something about food and cooking but Levi, for obvious reasons, wasn’t interested at all.

And there he stayed for the next twenty four hours, under watch yet again, and he ended up being just fine. He was given strong pain medication that would make him drowsy as well as sleep medication for when he stopped taking the pain medication since he had almost severe insomnia, as well as some cough syrup stuff or something like that for his throat. After everything was sorted out and Erwin discussed everything thoroughly with the doctors they headed home. Erwin had apologized to him for forcing him to go to the asylum, not taking proper care of him, not talking to him, all of the shit that he probably still won’t do. So that’s what happened, that’s why Levi was suffering even more now and why he had gotten to leave early -- was he going to tell Eren this? Hell no, he’d make up an excuse. ‘I got sick and then got into a fight’, or ‘I got sick and I started bruising easily’...something of the sort. But he sure as hell wasn’t going to admit this to Eren, no way no how, not now not ever. He didn’t need any shitty pity from his best friend, his crush, the person who was just getting off with the one person he swore to hate forever just a few months ago. Now Eren was still his best friend, but Levi didn’t trust him nearly as much as he used to. Levi just shook his head at Eren, hoping that’d be enough to get Eren to drop the subject and disregard it for now. Eren frowned while looking at his injured friend that he loved oh so much and just wanted to see him smile again. He wouldn’t him get away with just shaking his head and that be that; you disappear for a week, come back beaten up, and just disregard your friend trying to care for you. You don’t fucking do that. “Levi you’ve been gone for a week and now you look like you’ve become someone's personal punching bag. I want answers.” He says sternly while crossing his arms as Levi only glared up at him with furrowed brows. It wasn’t that Levi was trying to keep secrets, which he already did, but he was already pissed off and Eren thinking that Levi would just hand him whatever he wanted was absolute shit -- that’s not how it works honey. Levi pulled out his index cards and began writing, ‘Eren I really don’t want to talk about it.’ It reads, Eren taking a few moments before sighing heavily and realizing he couldn’t force Levi to talk about something if he wasn’t ready. “Alright.” He sighs while nodding and gently patting his head. “What do you say we go to my home and watch a movie? I’ll make you some tea or noodles, whatever you want.” He suggests, Levi watching him for a few moments before nodding since he subconsciously knew but would never admit that he had missed Eren so much and would do anything to spend time with him at the moment. So they agreed on that and headed back to Eren’s house, Levi staring down the only thought in his head at the moment being that he’d be sitting with the man he had a crush on, in the house where he got off with his supposed boyfriend, the sounds of their moans and groans stuck in Levi’s head. It was eating him alive right now, and he just wanted to scream and cry, yell at Eren and curse at him, he was a terrible person for thinking this; but he wanted to make Eren feel guilty. He wanted to make Eren aware of how he made Levi so upset and heartbroken, make him feel bad for being so goddamn ignorant. But he knew that’d never happen and he’d only embarrass himself, so he decided on just hinting at it. “So...how was it…?” He asked slowly and quietly, having to focus on his voice in more ways than one. Making sure it wasn’t wavering, he didn’t sound as upset as he was, and that he wasn’t straining it since his voice was weaker than usual. Eren furrowed his brows in confusion while looking down at the ghostly pale male, “What do you mean?” He asks him as he looked back ahead of himself to watch where they were going. Levi, growing uncomfortable pulled out the cards again. ‘Jean.’ Was all he wrote down, Eren taking a few moments before his earlier activities came into mind. Them getting each other off, Jean leaving in a hurry right after, and then Levi. Levi. Is that what he was talking about? He couldn’t possibly be referencing to that? How would he even be aware? There was no way he could’ve heard them..despite Eren’s door being open and their sounds probably having travelled, Jean leaving a bit sweaty and panting, Eren being shirtless, sweaty, and panting. After almost a minute of Eren being distracted Levi looked away from him and flipped the card over. ‘Sorry, I don’t know why I asked that.’ He writes down and nudges to get his attention, having to hold his breath as to not run the risk of crying. Why would he start crying now? He didn’t care all that much...that Levi was ignored and forgotten for some horsefaced piece of shit that Eren should hate to relieve his sexaul frustration. Eren looked down at the card before glancing at Levi, realizing that he could actually be upset about this. He wasn’t sure why Levi would be upset, but there was potential. He stared at Levi for a few moments, watching as Levi blinked continuously as if blinking away tears, brows furrowed slightly, a small sniffle coming from him as he stuffed the card back into his pockets and began rubbing at his face. “Levi...are you actually upset..?” Eren asked slowly and cautiously, realizing that he may have actually fucked up, and how he’d fix it? No idea.


	6. Casual Affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I thought since the past few chapters have focused on mostly EreJean, which for all you people getting upset with me because it's not EreRi; I did that to add drama and such, I don't like multishipping characters and I especially don't like EreJean. I'm not trying to hate on the ship or people that multiship, I'm just saying I don't like it. But anyways, this chapter is a lot more lovey and is 100% EreRi with vague mentions of EreJean, but only what happened and such like that. Anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter! If you have any suggestions or ideas please let me know! Also the next chapter will be a big time skip so I can get further into the story and start getting towards the huge climax and everything!

Levi couldn’t help the tears that began to stream down his face -- it hurt in more ways than one and he had reached his breaking point. Eren never listened to him or his advice, his opinions and thoughts. Eren was independent and Levi shouldn’t be complaining about that, but he couldn’t help but get upset in the fact that at times he didn’t even take his existence into consideration; yet he got upset when Levi disappeared for a week and he couldn’t ramble on about the shitty horseface. He couldn’t stand this and anything to do with it, from the mere thought of it to the fact that it was actually happening. Levi was being selfish in this situation -- oh so selfish, but he couldn’t help but feel jealous and envious at the reality of Eren being with someone else. It wouldn’t matter if Levi had an identical twin and Eren dated them, or if it was someone that he didn’t give two shits about, it hurt him and it just forced reality onto him. It was bound to happen eventually and Levi knew that, but it was much harsher than he thought it would be. He felt like crap and he couldn’t handle it anymore, he’d finally snapped and it just so happened to be in front of Eren; the person who partially caused it. 

Eren saw the tears and was so confused as to why he was crying; Levi was usually so emotionless or some form of angry, never upset to the point of salty liquid dispersing from his tear ducts. Did he do this? Was it his doing that made Levi so upset to the point of crying? What could he possibly have done to make him so sad? He had just questioned his time with Jean...was it Jean? Did Jean say something to Levi that made him upset? As much as he had grown to like Jean, Levi came first. Levi was the most important being to him aside from his mother since she was all he had left in his bloodline..at least that he knew of. Back to the point, he wasn’t sure what had made Levi so upset and he really wanted to know so that he could do everything he could to make or least help him feel better. So of course the only way to figure it out was ask Levi and if he had to he’d pry it out of him, and as much as he didn’t like making Levi uncomfortable since it kept him from speaking sometimes if he’s pushed to his limit he’ll open his mouth. As thought Levi remained silent with his first question, staring down at the ground as the tears came and came, Levi not even bothering to cover them up since it’d just draw more attention himself and the fact that he, Levi Ackerman, was actually crying. Eren watched him for a few moments before leading him into the house once they arrived and then deciding to press further into him. “Levi what’s wrong?” He asks while closing the front door, “You can’t deny that nothing’s wrong at this point, you’ve already proved that something’s wrong.” He adds on as he turns towards him, Levi still staring at the ground as he pulled on his shoes, having to ignore him to keep himself from completely breaking down. He had already slipped a little bit, and now he was barely hanging on to whatever self control he had left. Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him, ignore him, don’t listen to him you’ll only cry more, it’s his fault you’re crying in the first place, he should already know you shouldn’t have to tell him. Levi kept repeating all these things to him, trying to keep it together. He was so close, he could feel himself beginning to double breathe. Holding his breath he tried to stop it but it progressively got worse. “Did Jean say something to you, Levi?” He heard Eren ask, that immediately pushing him over because no, Jean didn’t say anything. This technically isn’t Jean’s fault at all since he couldn’t have possibly known that Levi liked Eren. He coudn’t have known that Levi wouldn’t like them being together; well he could kinda assume on that one since him and Eren were glued to each other's sides..most of the time anyways. Jean, Jean, Jean, John, John, John, Horse-fucking-face, that’s all he’s been hearing lately. It’s all about Jean, Eren and Jean to be specific. He was tired of it and it killed -- no, it stabbed him and let him suffer to constantly hear about him and all the cute, fun, exciting stuff they did together. He was tired of hearing about him and he seriously wanted to yell, but of course his voice was nowhere strong enough to do that, especially after what happened...what happened. Now that was brought back up, the fact that Levi could disappear and Eren was off in his own little world with the shitface. His thoughts were all over the place and his mind was racing, he didn’t know what to think or what to focus on. He gave up, tears began pouring from his eyes and he almost sobbed out, but he was able to hold himself back at least that much. Reaching up he wiped his eyes off despite the continuous stream of tears, then placing a hand over his mouth in attempt to hold back any noises that might try to escape. He was so embarrassed that he was crying, and in front of Eren. This hasn’t happened in forever and he was pretty sure it was more embarrassing than the last time. Crying over something as small as a fucking relationship that he wasn’t even involved in, being so selfish to draw attention to himself about this whole fucking thing. But of course this only made Eren more worried and curious; or more so confused, about the entire situation.

Warmth and comfort suddenly engulfed him and he tensed up not understanding what this was until he felt a hand on his head, pulling him into the embrace. Eren was hugging him and trying to comfort him, tears still streaming down his face as he bit back sobs and tried to keep whatever dignity he had left to himself. He slowly leaned into the warm embrace, resting his head against the direct thing in front of him which was Eren’s chest, closing his eyes tightly which just forced more tears out. As utterly embarrassed as he was it felt so good to just cry and let it all out as well as being embraced by his best friend who never seemed to give two shits until now. Levi desperately wanted to say something, anything, something to let Eren know he was thankful since he knew he couldn’t get off with just a ‘I’m fine’ anymore. Eren just held him to himself and lightly stroked his hair knowing that Levi loved his hair being touched; doing everything he could just to make him feel more comfortable or at least a little better because it hurt to see Levi so upset and hurt, especially knowing that it could potentially be his fault. He hadn’t seen Levi cry in forever, he couldn’t even think of the last time. He knew a year or so ago Levi started crying in class because some kid made a comment about his mother and after getting angry Levi realized he couldn’t fight the kid, so he got upset and started crying. After that Levi had become the emotionless kid he is now, and it’s actually pretty upsetting and Eren wish he could something about it but he just keeps this wall up that not even Eren can get through. Sure at times he can break him like he did just now, but he couldn’t actually get into him and get him to spill everything. He only spilt things that were really bothering him, the small things that were so bothersome it showed through like today. Although it didn’t happen each time, each break was hopefully one step closer to getting Levi to come clean and tell everything to him. He could only hope it’d go as planned and nothing terrible would happen, but what could possibly happen that couldn’t be fixed with a lot of work and love.

After a few moments of Eren holding Levi he slowly moved him to the couch and sat him down, but made sure to keep him close as Levi seemed to want to keep his face hidden which made sense but really was sad overall since Eren found it showed how insecure and embarrassed he was to be crying in front of him. No matter what though, Eren was going to take care of his little shorty and make sure he didn’t die and as long as he could do that he knew could do anything. He loved Levi so much in so many ways, and Levi hopefully at least knew that as a best friend he loved him. If he didn’t then Eren wouldn’t hesitate to tell him over and over, he didn’t care how weird or uncomfortable it would get -- which was quite ironic to the situation -- but he really wanted Levi to know and understand just how important he was to him. He was more important than he knew, and that was probably the worst part; sure you’ll probably never understand how important you are to a person, but Levi was less aware than average...if that made a lick of sense. He wanted him to know more, realize and accept how wonderful and important he actually was. Levi had changed and Eren still wasn’t up to date on it all except for him being less expressive, and Eren had changed in becoming generally happier..or more open per say. Eren had become a jock, not a stereotypical jock, but just a jock. He was still doing well in school and he had good grades, but he was also pretty good at football and basketball, not bothering to try any other sports since he figured those two were enough if he wanted to have free time to himself or to spend with his family and friends. Friends. Friends. His friends. His friend. Levi. He sighed. He really didn’t know what to do now, now that they were contently sitting on the couch practically cuddling, Levi still crying into his chest as he held onto him tightly. Levi was so still embarrassed about the entire situation, breaking down into tears and acting weird for seemingly no reason when in Levi’s mind it was all crystal clear; sure his mind was extremely clouded and dazed at the moment, running all over the place and unable to think straight, but he still knew why this all started and it was his fault like everything else. Everything was his fault and it was true; his mother dying, Eren hating Jean, Eren sometimes avoiding him, Eren not knowing how to handle him, Eren being with Jean, this entire situation, being born. God, Eren seemed to be everywhere he looked and turned. Whether it was people talking about him, talking about Jean and his relationship, talking about their friendship, his sports, Levi’s thoughts were probably 50% Eren and 50% himself at this point. He was so goddamn selfish as well, it was all shitty and it was all his fault. His fault. His. Fault. His. His. Him. Himself. Himself. Myself. My. My. I. I. Levi closed his eyes as tightly possibly, all of these thoughts running through his head, his head hurt, hurt, pain, throbbing, sharp, dull, shaking, trembling, dying. Levi moved his hands from Eren’s shirt to his own head and held it, sitting there as he couldn’t stop the tears. They spilled like a severely broken faucet that was dripping water, faster than a drip, but slower than running water. But it was happening and Levi didn’t know how to stop the tears, he could rub and rub and wipe and wipe all he wanted but no matter how dry he got his face it was dripping wet with salty tears within .5 seconds. He felt so weird, tears streaming down his face as he shook and trembled, silent sobs never escaping his throat but screaming out in his head, Eren being there and watching him at one of his worst states, holding him and seemingly trying to comfort him, but to no avail it didn’t work. It’ll never work. He wanted to tell him that, make Eren aware that what was wrong will never be fixed, never be solved, never be helped. See the problem was a nuisance and there was only one way to get rid of it. Levi had been to therapy thousands of time, different ones, psychiatrists, psychologists, shrinks, LGBTQ therapists and support groups, post-family death support groups, mental disorder therapists, doctors, a fucking mental asylum, you name it Levi’s been there and it never fucking worked. In the end it may have helped with one thing but never all of them, or made it worse, or made him think of things he never thought to. Everything gave him a new perspective, all the shit he’s been through, the internet, people around him, society, his mother, his foster parents, Eren. There he was again; Eren. Eren. Shit. Eren was right in front of him witnessing Levi breaking himself down but luckily Levi was as silent as a baby with a fucking bottle in its mouth. Levi actually hated kids so that’s probably not the best analogy. 

Eren just watched as this happened, Levi freaking himself out and trembling, shaking and holding onto himself, crying and crying, tears falling with no end in sight, but he didn’t understand. He didn’t understand what had happened to cause Levi to become so upset, he’d consider the fact that Levi may be bipolar since they think it runs in his family, but he didn’t want to use any excuses. He didn’t want to blame something for the reason Levi was acting since there obviously was a legitimate problem at hand. Whether it be that someone did beat him up, or that he just got a small bug bite there was something wrong and he really wanted to help. He wanted to make Levi feel better, he didn’t care what it’d take he was going to get Levi to at least stop crying because that means you’re getting somewhere, right? “Levi you need to talk to me.” He says softly as he pushed hair out of Levi’s face and tried to see his pale white skin now stained red and with tears, the constant sniffles and double breaths as he tried desperately to calm down since it felt as if he was hyperventilating. Eren caught onto this and began to lean Levi back against the couch, “I’m gonna go get a wet wash cloth so I can wash off your face.” He informs Levi, him just nodding in response. Eren nodded at that and got up, moving upstairs quickly and into the bathroom, he did as he said and got a washcloth and wet it with cool water. When he left the bathroom a foul stench met him and he realized he never cleaned his mess up from earlier. Earlier. Oh god. He remembered everything from earlier and shuddered; he didn’t think he could do that again with Jean especially knowing that Levi was back. Thinking back to it he didn’t even know how he was able to do such a thing with the intuition that Levi was still alive because it really made no sense for him to be dead. Sure it was technically a possibility, but he didn’t even consider it for a moment. He was being pretty ignorant and now he did regret it, but at the same time at least his sexual frustration was taken care of. He sighed and went into his room, quickly pulling off the sheets and bringing them into the laundry room. Once that was taken care of he re-wet the washcloth and brought it to Levi, kneeling down to the male who seemed to have calmed down some and was now slowly crying, staring down into nothing and his breathing was still double. Gently wiping off his face with the cloth Levi lifted his head and looked up at him, no words came out of his mouth though. He just stared at Eren as a thoughtful look finally came into his eyes and he couldn’t help but lean into the warm hand that held the cold cloth. Almost like a warm hand holding a cold knife or gun and getting ready to make the move, he knew Eren could make that move at any moment and he had to be careful if he didn’t want to get hurt even more. He didn’t want to think that he’d ever hurt him purposefully in such a harmful way, but he also knew not to trust people with certain things. As much as he loved Eren he didn’t think he’d ever trust him with his darkest secret he held at the moment. It’d forever haunt him too, sitting there on his body and deep in his mind, at some point it might be exposed for everyone to see and there will be no stopping it because what can you do to stop it? It’s more permanent than you think, and now it’s stuck there forever. People will call him an attention whore for it even though nobody knows, but if they did it’s all he’d hear. He already gets bullied but then every single person would be talking about it, or at least thinking about it. He really screwed himself over with this and now he partially understood the damage he’s done, but he couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment. Although he couldn’t care less at the moment he knew that he’d soon regret breaking down like this in front of Eren and not being strong enough to hold back his cryptic emotions.

Eren could tell that Levi was still bothered, and he really wanted to help but he didn’t know what to do. As Eren’s friend he should know how to get Levi to speak and how to make him feel better, but he was at a loss at the moment and wasn’t sure what to do. Levi was just watching him with a more thoughtful look than before and seemed to be waiting for something to happen, but Eren wasn’t sure what to do. Did he try to talk to him? Did he hug him and comfort him some more? Continue wiping at his face until Levi said something? And it was at that moment that Eren accidentally pressed too hard onto Levi’s cheek and Levi flinched, hissing in pain but didn’t pull back completely. This sparked something in the both of them; the realization for Levi being that no matter how bad Eren could hurt him he wouldn’t even think of pulling back -- sure it seemed retarded to get that from a stupid accident, but it gave the thought. With Eren it brought the thought that maybe Levi did go through more pain than he showed, and didn’t pull back just like now. Now that one was even stranger, and makes less sense but...it makes sense, y’know? That just because Levi will occasionally seem upset or something of the sort doesn’t mean that there’s not more to the story of the pain he goes through on a daily basis. Both looking at each other now Eren sighed as he gave a small apologetic smile, “Sorry.” He apologizes softly while moving up and sitting beside him, deciding to lighten the mood he began to tease him. “Want me to kiss it better?” He asks teasingly as he smiled happily hoping that this would at least make him feel a bit better or something of the sort. Levi furrowed his brows and looked up at him, noticing how hard he really was trying and took a moment to think about the situation. Levi was always quick to make assumptions or act out on something when he’s upset or just displeased in general; quick to act out on whatever he was feeling and not taking into consideration what actually might be going on with somebody else. He took this moment to really think that it was technically his fault that Eren ended up with Jean and now he couldn’t say anything about them doing stuff together because they are a couple, and Levi didn’t try hard enough to make Eren’s his. But now they were alone and he couldn’t focus on the fact that he let him go, so he’d take advantage of this moment and enjoy it while he could. Huffing at him he took a deep and very shaky breath, then nodding and looking away. “Yes.” He mumbles a bit poutingly, “You hurt me.” He adds on while glancing towards him, Eren looking confused for a split second before grinning happily now that Levi seemed to be a bit better, but he also knew better than to just assume that and let him go because he seems happy. “Of course my little pop tart, I’m sorry.” He apologizes again as he leaned forward and very carefully and tenderly pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek, not wanting to hurt him after all. With his lips against his cheek he could really tell just how swollen his cheek was, but it didn’t seem too bad. His skin was extremely warm and he could feel Levi still shaking slightly from the earlier tears, but he did feel a bit more calm. Levi closed the corresponding eye slightly and glanced down at him the best he could, relishing in the warm and soft lips against his pale white and swollen cheek. It stung a little but it was bearable, especially since it was Eren fucking Jeager, his life long crush, kissing his cheek and playing around with him like they were lovers. It felt amazing and honestly, he wanted more. He wanted to feel more of Eren’s comforting touch and sweet kisses that made acid vomiting butterflies stab him in the stomach, that made him quiver and shake, that made him want to cry more just so Eren would give him even more kisses and hugs. Eren smiled happily up at him, finding his expression adorable and endearing, having not seen this side of him in a while it was really nice to see him at least enjoying himself a little. “Little Levi~” He says teasingly and playfully, earning a grunt from Levi and if he wasn’t already red from the tears he was pretty sure that he’d be blushing as dark as fuck. Everything about Levi was cute and adorable, even when he’s angry and about to shove his foot up your ass. Maybe it was just him, but he could never have enough of Levi and as much as he wanted to die when Levi was upset with him, it was always cute how he responded. It may get annoying as fuck sometimes and he’ll want to go off at Levi, but he loved Levi and the urge to kiss him right now helped him make sure of that. He couldn’t kiss him though..he was in a relationship with Jean, and he hated to cheat on anyone. Plus he knew that Levi would slit his throat or cuss him out before leaving his house and never talking to him again. Did he think Levi would really do such a thing? No, but the possibility was still there and the thought was more than definitely there. But still, Levi was sexual there was no way that he’d respond well to Eren kissing him. But he could imagine it, their lips slowly pressing against each other and fitting perfectly together, soft luscious lips against his own, moving together in sync and the wet noises filling the air. Them slowly moving their bodies closer together, body heat surrounding them and the hot air between them taking up the room. Oh god, he really needed to stop thinking about this. It would never happen with Levi so he should just stop thinking about it before he accidentally forces him to do something he doesn’t want to for the pleasure of him. But Levi definitely seemed to be thinking of something and he was staring intently at Eren; Eren wasn’t sure why he was staring at him but it definitely urged him more to lean closer. He couldn’t bring himself to do it yet though, he had to wait before he had a move because he could be reading everything wrong, but if he waited too long he may lose his window of opportunity. Levi watched him intently -- not necessarily meaning to, but he was thinking about him. About them being together, spending time together and it wouldn’t be any different from now except they’d be happy and they’d be cuddling, enjoying the peaceful silence between them that seemed to pass every single word they were thinking to each other. Sharing sweet kisses and embraces, making each other feel better when nothing seemed to be going right, comfort each other, take showers together, sleeping together, sleeping together. It all sounded wonderful and amazing, too amazing to be true. And that’s because it’s not true; they’ll never be together and they’ll never share sweet kisses, cuddle, shower, fuck, nothing. Lonely. Lonely. Lonely. Cold. Cold. Cold. Warmer. Warmer. Wait, why did it suddenly feel warm? Snapping out of it he focused on what was in front of him -- or more so, who was in front of him. All he saw was those beautiful emerald eyes staring right back into his own steel blue eyes, furrowing his brows and watching him for a few moments he tilted his head slightly. “What?” He asks while looking back and forth between both of his beautiful eyes. Eren could tell when Levi had snapped out and noticed that their faces were only inches or so apart, eyes glued to each other and he swears he could see every emotion for once. Not angry or dull, but not lighthearted and happy either; it was a good medium between the both of them and for once it was a bit happy. He absolutely loved Levi’s eyes, a light steel blue, sharp and quick yet so gentle and thoughtful; so wonderful in general. Levi truly was a beautiful being and Eren wished he would just see that, but he knew how difficult it could be and really he didn’t even know what went on in Levi’s head. But at the moment Eren knew that he himself was thinking about kissing Levi, and he hoped that Levi was thinking the same thing because he desperately wanted to kiss him and at this point it didn’t seem there was any turning back.

“Can I..kiss you, Levi?” Eren asked hesitantly and slowly while watching him carefully, not wanting to make it awkward or anything of the sort. Levi just kept his brows furrowed and watched Eren confused before shrugging slightly, “It ruins the moment when you ask.” Levi mumbled quietly for him to hear, still admiring his eyes before his gaze wandered to his lips and watched the plush looking lips briefly before glancing back to Eren’s eyes. Eren only blushed and bit his bottom lip before nodding slightly, “I know, but I didn’t want to kiss you and you not want to, or startle you maybe.” He says, rambling a small bit before Levi shook his head and huffed up at him. “Just kiss me if you’re going to kiss me.” He mumbled, this being pretty damn awkward already but he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to kiss Eren, even if it was considered cheating on Eren’s part. All thoughts of that shitface leaving his thoughts as he was merely focused on their time together. Eren grinned at him and nodded slightly at his words, knowing it was in Levi’s personality to be so blunt and probably blatant. Leaning forward he wasted no time in pressing his lips against his and slowly closed his eyes, the soft feeling engulfing him as he felt Levi press back against his lips. Both of them indulged themselves as Levi slowly moved his lips against Eren’s, deciding to move the kiss further and take as much as he could while he could. Lips moving in sync it was everything that both of them had imagined, now they just needed to hold each other. Eren moved his hands down and very gently held Levi’s waist, unsure if any other parts of his body were hurt he wanted to still be gentle with him. Holding him gently and closely he was already enjoying the kiss and he really didn’t want it to end, feeling his hands move onto the back of his neck in a silent plea for him to never pull back, for the kiss to last longer and never end. Humming lowly into the kiss Eren soon moved his tongue out of his mouth to brush against Levi’s plush ones, earning a small noise from him in response. Levi couldn’t help the blush that stained his cheeks as they lip locked; it getting darker as he felt a tongue brush against his lips. Now would probably be the best time to pull back since for obvious reasons he didn’t want this to go too far, considering the fact that he was extremely weak and frail as well as Eren being in a relationship. There were plenty of reasons for them to not be doing this, but all of them seemed to have flown out the door and now only good and happy thoughts remained in their little bubble they now shared for a brief moment that would end all all too soon and probably never happen again. That thought killed Levi -- never getting to share another kiss with Eren after this wonderful moment, that Eren would probably become disgusted or realize what he had just done and run off to Jean to confess his love and talk about how disgusting Levi was. It played over and over in his head until he decided to go further with the kiss until he himself got uncomfortable, allowing Eren entrance and parting his lips for him, waiting for the wet muscle to move into his mouth and dance with his own in an expression of undying but unknown love. When Eren felt Levi part his lips he immediately dove in, sliding his tongue into Levi’s mouth and beginning to explore the surprisingly clean cavern and every little corner of it, earning more and more small and quiet moans the further they went, the sounds of pleasure from the heated kiss gradually getting louder. He didn’t get anywhere near how loud the other two were earlier, but an average sized noise was really loud for him and he still wasn’t even that loud. It was loud enough that you’d probably hear it if you were in the same room, and if you were as close as they were you could hear everything clearly. Their tongues soon began moving together, sliding and rubbing across each other or entwining together, it felt quite wonderful and Levi was dying in enjoyment. But of course, all too soon it ended as they heard a car door close and Levi immediately pulled back; not wanting to get caught of course. Panting softly they looked at each other, glancing down to study the newly bruised organs ((lips are an organ okay, I just looked it up XD)) and just how obvious they were. Levi’s blush still evident he glanced back up to Eren’s emerald eyes and lifted an arm to wipe off his own mouth with his sleeve. Eren watched Levi and grinned at him before laughing slightly, “I’m sorry.” He says a bit quietly, glancing towards the door. “I didn’t want to stop, but I think it’s mum.” He explains as Levi nodded slightly in understanding. “Makes sense.” He says quietly, surprisingly not uncomfortable at all and just wanting to cuddle now. He knew he was a piece of shit for doing this with everything going on with Eren and his love life, but he couldn’t help himself. He was presented with the offer and he gladly took it, enjoying the kiss thoroughly and he definitely wouldn’t mind it happening again. Eren nodded as he moved a few inches away since it wasn’t obvious what they were doing, then kneeling down as he began wiping off Levi’s face again, watching him closely. “Did you like that or did I force it too much?” He asks lowly as Levi stared back at him and looked between his eyes before shaking his head slightly, “I liked it.” He says extremely quiet now since he was growing uncomfortable and because his voice is weak. Eren smiled at him and nodded happily as Carla came through the door, looking towards the two males and taking a moment to process what they were doing before smiling happily since Levi was back. “What happened?” She asks as she moves closer, now becoming aware of Levi’s injuries and furrowing her brows a bit. Levi glanced up at the female and sighed slightly, shaking his head as he slumped back against the couch, their moment now having been ruined. Eren looks up towards his mother and smiles slightly, “Levi’s back!” He says happily as he carefully hugs onto Levi’s shoulders, causing him to grunt and look up at him, nodding in agreement. “And I’m not sure what happened to his lovely face.” He continues playfully, “He doesn’t wanna talk about it.” He explains as he looks towards Levi, him nodding in agreement since that statement was correct. “Oh okay. Well would you too like anything to eat or drink?” She asks softly as she moved to the kitchen as Eren looked to Levi if he had an answer. Levi shook his head while watching him before glancing towards the kitchen, Eren nodding and following his gaze. “Can we have some soda?” He asks while proceeding to release Levi and move into the laundry room and put the cloth away, then going into the kitchen. Carla looked towards her son and nodded, “Yes.” She says while putting some stuff away she had gotten from the store. “I don’t want you to drink all of it though, you have a football game this weekend.” She warns him as Eren grumbles and nods slightly. “Yeah yeah, I know.” He says while going and pouring himself a glass from the two liter bottle of Dr. Pepper. “Does Levi want any?” She asks, in which Eren shakes his head no. “No, and I asked.” He explains, knowing his mother has a tendency to accuse Eren of not even asking his guests if they want anything. “So, where was he..?” Carla suddenly asked quietly, looking to her son that was putting the bottle away. Glancing over he looked at her before shrugging slightly, “No idea.” He says softly and lowly as he took a drink from the soda, “I’m trying not to bother him about it though; oh, and I need clean sheets and blankets for my bed. Are there any clean?” He asks while watching his mother. “Go check in the bathroom, bottom cabinet.” She says while looking up at him, “Yes ma’am.” He says before setting the glass down and walking through the living room, “I’m gonna make my bed and then we can go up there and relax, okay?” He says to Levi while walking by, glancing down at him as Levi just glanced back and nodded slightly, not caring much to bother with a response since he really didn’t want to go in that damned room after what obviously happened. Eren simply nodded and moved to go make his bed and such for them to spend time and relax in there, hopefully even cuddle too. 

Carla knew for a fact that her son was terribly gay, and she knew that Levi had come out as asexual; but she also knew for a fact that there was more to the story than just them having no attraction. It was clear as day that Eren likes Levi, and that Levi has some sort of admiration for him whether it’s love or just looking up to him; most literally. Knowing this she still let them be in a room alone or spend the night together simply because she wanted them to be together; knowing they might get into arguments but Eren would never let himself loose Levi, and Levi would never want to purposefully hurt Eren like that. At least she didn’t think so anyways, seeing as how much they like each other. She honestly couldn’t care less if they did the do or touched each other sexually because neither of them could get pregnant; it makes her sound like a terrible mother but she knew they were meant to be. The sooner they got together the faster they’d be able to help each other fix each other; Levi could help with Eren’s anger problems and bad choices and Eren could help Levi with his crippling anxiety and depression. They were perfect for each other and she honestly couldn’t wait until the day Eren came home and confessed to her that they were together. But with Eren making stupid decisions and being with Jean, well it ruined everything and it was painfully obvious how much it hurt Levi to see the two who used to hate each other, now holding each other as if they’d loved each other for a thousand years. But the love in Eren and Levi’s eyes for each other was timeless, and they damn well needed to realize that already.

Once Eren finished making his bed he moved downstairs and into the kitchen, taking a drink of his soda before going into the living room where Levi was silently sitting on the couch. “Wanna go up to my room now?” Eren asked while leaning over the back of the couch and looking towards Levi who jumped startled by his sudden appearance. Looking at Eren he watched him, thoughts of the filthy things done in that room just prior to him showing up filling his head and he really didn’t want to. He didn’t want to have to face the scent and the fact of just knowing sins were done in that room, which really made no sense considering Levi wasn’t religious and sinned every single day technically. Pushing that thought aside he watched Eren silently, unsure how to respond to him since he didn’t want to, but his reasoning would probably seem foolish. Foolish. Thoughts. All of his thoughts were foolish and retarded, illogical, unjustified, just stupid in general. He was stupid for being so bothered by this, so after a few moments of silence he simply nodded and began to stand; ignoring the dull yet stinging pain that shot through his abdomen and head from the rush of standing so quickly. Turning towards Eren he then walked around the couch and headed upstairs with him, putting his hands in his pockets and tilting his head down to look at the ground and watch his step. He tended to be clumsy so he didn’t want to embarrass himself even more and trip, fall, bust his face even more and get pitied by Eren and his mum; that was the last thing he wanted. Soon they were in Eren’s room and Eren set his cup on the bedside table on a coaster, then plopping down on the bed and now realizing that he was still shirtless. Glancing down at himself he looked back towards the ravenette that was sitting down on the edge of the bed, “Do you want me to put my shirt on?” He asks softly as he watched the boy carefully. Looking over towards Eren he glanced down and discreetly checking out his body before shaking his head since it really was a beautiful sight, only shaking his head to let him know it was fine. He then glancing around the casual room for a teenager such as Eren Jaeger. Watching Levi, Eren grinned faintly before turning on the tv and leaning back against the bed, “C’mon, relax with me.” He urges him while watching as Levi eyed him further before nodding slightly, “I am relaxed. I’m sitting here aren’t I?” He asks quietly and rhetorically. Eren chuckled slightly before shaking his head and moving over, “I mean lay down and cuddle with me.” He says blatantly while reaching out for Levi and pouting. “It’s cold and lonely without you.” He says playfully and cheesily, watching as Levi glared at him before huffing and nodding, taking his hands out of his pockets and moving over to him. Eren smiled happily with his agreement, moving so there was room for him. 

Now both of them were cuddled together, Levi’s head resting on Eren’s chest as he watched the tv, iZombie currently playing. Eren had an arm around Levi holding him comfortingly; this position having resulted in them being a bit playful until Levi gave in and cuddled up with him. Levi was extremely drowsy at the moment though, the only thing keeping him from falling asleep being how goddamn hot it was with a long sleeve on and a hoodie. Noticing this Eren gently ushered him to pull it off, “Levi you’re about to start sweating, please take it off.” He says lowly as Levi lifted his head and watched him briefly before easily giving in and nodding. With Eren’s help he got it off and felt the breeze hit him; sure he was still wearing long sleeves but the hoodie made a huge difference. Finally comfortable he relaxed back against Eren and closed his eyes again, not even caring if he fell asleep against Eren or that this was still cheating. He was finally content with something happening and he was going to enjoy it no matter what, and that’s exactly what he was doing. Eren seemed to get that Levi wanted to sleep and rubbed his shoulder gently before pulling up the blanket despite him having just taken off his hoodie; but he knew for a fact that Levi couldn’t sleep without a blanket no matter how hot it was. Them now completely comfortable, relaxed, content, carefree, whatever word you chose to use; they were finally growing in their relationship and both of them were extremely happy with this. Levi falling asleep first he slept soundly and contently, not moving nor making any sounds. Eren took this time to admire him and notice just how frail he was, the dark circles under his eyes, and how his body flinched even the smallest bit with the smallest touch. Sure it was explainable with him having been attacked or something -- his body being injured somehow, but it was just kinda unusual. After being a bit creepy and studying Levi as well as checking out his ass that he surprisingly still seemed to have even with his body being so tiny, he soon fell asleep as well and kept a firm but gentle hold on him. And this’s how they stayed for the rest of the day; not sleeping but being content and laying with each other, cuddling and being lovey. This’s the way they wanted to be all the time, but they were too scared to tell each other so despite their makeout session and cuddles, it didn’t seem any time soon they’d be getting together or even considering it.

But you never know.


	7. Last Resort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren finds out where Levi's been this entire time and it starts out pretty bad, and they get caught kissing, but Eren finds out just why Levi is where he is and it may not end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo~! Sorry this one took awhile to get up, but we've finally reached the climax! Let me know what you think and if you have any ideas; enjoy~!

It was a month or so after their day of cuddling and having fun, and not much had changed between them expect growing farther apart possibly. After the first two weeks Jean and Eren had broken up because the beans were spilled on his moment with Levi and all that they had done; but really the only thing that upset him was that Eren didn’t tell him sooner and waited a few weeks. Eren had grown upset that such a thing would happen and almost went off on Levi and blamed everything on him despite it being his fault for making the first move -- sure it was partially Levi’s fault for not stopping him, but Eren was the one in a relationship. Levi had proceeded to start missing days at a time now, the first day his excuse was being sick, the second day was the same, the third was just in case. He didn’t miss anymore until the next week, missing four and a half days since he tried to come one day but was sent home. The third week he managed three days, the fourth week he managed to only miss one day. It was now the fifth week and Eren hadn’t heard anything from him since last friday, it being the second day of the week/Tuesday. Eren sighed as he walked through the hallway to his last class of the day, Levi being the only thoughts running through his head as he mostly stared at the ground but occasionally glanced up to make sure that he didn’t run into anyone since that was a scenario he’d rather not be a part of. Pulling out his phone he kept checking his messages even though he knew there’d be nothing from Levi, he just wanted one response to know if he was okay. He didn’t care if it was a hate letter at this point or a letter of confession, he just wanted a message. None of them were even read, not checked, nothing posted, completely empty. He couldn’t understand what was happening, Levi had no excuses for the past weeks of no school except being sick or anxiety was one that was occasionally thrown around. He wondered how long it would be until people stopped believing the anxiety excuse, considering you can’t use that for everything. Eren knew very well of Levi’s anxiety, but he knew for a fact that Levi didn’t let people know of his anxiety too often; at least not using it as an excuse to get out of school since he believed that people wouldn’t listen or care; which he was kinda right in that sense. None of the teachers believed his anxiety excuse, small conversations between the teachers heard every now and then but they never said anything directly to the students; they knew something that nobody else knew and Eren was growing desperate to know. In three days it would be a week since Levi’s last message and the last time Eren had seen him, and as little as that sounded he really didn’t want think of such a thing. The fact that his best friend wasn’t talking to him and that it was almost a week since they had talked, and even then they didn’t talk that much due to everything that had happened between Jean and Eren and then Levi suddenly missing a shit ton of school. That’s when something occurred to Eren; could it have been his fault that Levi started missing? That he seemingly was just skipping school because he was in a bad mood? He hadn’t thought about it until now, but after Eren started blaming everything on Levi..well he had grown a lot more distant and stopped giving shits about anything or anyone around him. So there’s potential that it could’ve been his fault, and just that thought made Eren want to try harder to figure out where he was and why he was gone. 

Levi was so tired even after sleeping all day, laying against the bed and listening to the soft yet so annoying beeps. Looking around the empty room he sighed slightly, not daring to say anything even though, again, he was supposed to be working on his voice and speech. He now had regular therapy and speech therapy after what happened, and it was extremely annoying since it felt he never got any alone time anymore. Sure he knew why he was smothered, but you’d think that they’d have a little understanding and let him be alone every now and then. Lifting his head as he heard someone walked in he was hoping for someone that would actually keep him company, and it was Erwin. Sure it wasn’t the worst possibility, and no one else knew he was here, but someone different for once wouldn’t be too bad either. Sitting up a little and as much as he could manage he watched as Erwin came over with a bag of food that Levi was allowed to eat since the food here was shit. “I’ll give you your devices by the end of the week depending on how well you’re doing, okay?” He asks while watching him carefully, “They’ve hooked up an Apple TV for you so you can watch whatever you want, so you’ve got that. And I can even bring you something to let you play games, but I just can’t let you get on social media right now.” He explains as Levi only nodded slightly before looking ahead of himself, pale skin looking even whiter under the bright ass lights in the room. Erwin sighed as he scooted onto the edge of the chair a bit, “Levi are you uncomfortable?” He asks as Levi shook his head no, already knowing that he was going to ask him to speak. Looking towards him he furrowed his brows slightly, “I’m as comfortable as can be in this place.” He mumbles while glaring slightly at the blonde male, leaning back against the pillow so he could sit up, Erwin only nodding slightly and glancing towards the tv. “I know, but you only have to be here until everything’s better, then you can come back home.” He says, Levi only nodding as he stared at the tv despite nothing interesting being on; only commercials at the moment. Until everything’s better? He thought to himself, if they truly meant everything then I’d be here until they learned that I can’t be fixed. 

Eren was looking forward to school letting out, but now for a completely different reason other than just hating school. Sure he still had football practice since it was only November, but after that he planned to go to Erwin’s house and see if Levi was there, and if he wasn’t there he’d at least have a bit more of an idea what was going on -- and he may even be told where he’s staying so he might be able to visit the shorty. Surprisingly Eren was in a pretty good mood, but it was pretty much because he finally found a way to maybe find the love of his life; who didn’t even know that he was. Maybe he should confess? Would that make things worse or make Levi feel better? Or it could confuse him and make things worse...but it’s been over a year and he was ready to let Levi know just how much Eren truly liked..or loved him. He knew Levi was ace and such, but that just means he’s not sexually attracted; he didn’t say anything about being aromantic. So there’s a small chance, and maybe just maybe he’d get Levi to cuddle with him again; even kiss a little. He swore when they kissed he felt sparks, and it felt so amazing to finally lip lock with the male he loved so much. And that’s why he planned on figuring out where Levi was hiding and hopefully why he was hiding. 

It was now around five thirty in the afternoon and Erwin was doing paper work when he heard a knock on the door. Lifting his head he glanced towards the door confused about who could possibly be at the door, then getting up and taking his glasses off and walking over. Opening the door he glanced down to see the all too familiar brunette, realizing that the two teenagers hadn’t been as close it was confusing and expected all at the same time. “Hey, uh, Mr. Smith, is Levi here?” He asks a bit nervously while looking up at the tall male, Erwin giving a small, polite, and sad smile as he shook his head no. “No I’m afraid he’s not.” He says while glancing outside, “Something happened Friday night and he hasn’t been home since, but I think by the end of the week you’ll be able to see him again.” He explains to the male as Eren slowly nodded and sighed. “So by Friday?” He asks just to make sure, Erwin nodding. “Yes, I’ll call your mother and let her know if you can come visit him. Now I’d love to chitchat but I have work to do, and I’m sure you do too.” He says, not wanting to dwell too long on the subject since he was still kinda adjusting to what had happened; sure Levi was only his foster child, but he had grown attached to him, and if he has a choice he may just adopt him. 

The days went by slowly, Levi sitting in the same room doing nothing except watching movies and tv, playing games on his DSI that Erwin brought him, Erwin staying at home and doing work most of the time, and Eren either at school or at home waiting for the days to pass so he could see his best friend again. Once Friday rolled around Eren was excited at the thought that he was going to get to see Levi again, rushing through school and thanking whatever god there was that he didn’t have a football game that day. Heading home he walked inside to see Erwin sitting in the kitchen with his mum, furrowing his brows slightly in confusion as he set his bag down and headed into the kitchen. “What’s going on? Do I get to see Levi?” He asks while watching the two adults as they looked to him. “Yes, Erwin checked on him today and it’s been decided that it is now okay for him to have visitors.” Carla explained as Eren smiled happily and nodded eagerly, “Can I bring him something?” He asks, “Like candy or something?” He asks while looking to Erwin who chuckled and looked towards Carla, “I’m sure some chocolate won’t hurt.” He says, trying to stay lively about the entire situation even though Eren’s excitement was going to be crushed when he learned just where Levi was, and why he was there. 

Levi laid in bed, listening to the same beeping and the sound of the clock ticking, staring down at his DSI and playing Animal Crossing since it was the only thing he felt like playing, eyes focused lazily on the screen when he heard a familiar voice asking a range of questions. ‘Why’s he here?’ ‘What happened?’ ‘Did someone do something to him again?’ The familiar voice asked, Levi’s brows furrowing as he sat up more and glanced towards the door every now and then to see if the owner of the familiar voice was going to walk through the door. And sure enough a few seconds later the brunette was walking into the room with the blonde adult, holding a bag of what seemed to be many items. Levi immediately adverted his gaze seeing the two males walk in, staring at his DSI as he was too much in thought to even start playing again. “So this’s where he’s been for the past week. It’s up to Levi whether or not he chooses to tell you why he’s here and what happened.” Levi heard Erwin explain to the brunette as Eren stared in disbelief. Levi didn’t dare look up as he stared down at his lap/his DSI blankly, the theme song playing as it filled the silence. After a few moments Erwin set the bag down on the chair next to the bag, “I have your devices as promised, food, and Eren got you something as well.” He explained to Levi, Levi glancing over and nodding slightly. “Can you speak?” Erwin asked him to try and get him to talk, Levi looking up at him and shaking his head slightly, feeling to uncomfortable and guilty to even think about his voice. Erwin nodded understandingly, “I’m going to go talk to a doctor about when you can be released.” He said before promptly leaving the room so the two teenagers could be alone; which would be for better or worse. 

Eren took this opportunity to sit down next to the bed and began digging through the bag, “I was wondering what he had in here.” Eren half mumbled to himself half said to Levi, then pulling out his laptop and phone, “It all makes sense now.” He adds on with a sad, kind of forced sounding laugh. “I’m sorry for everything Levi.” He says a bit quietly while looking down, then glancing over at him, partially rambling as Levi didn’t say anything; more or less couldn’t. “I should’ve given you more attention, shouldn’t have blamed you for so much when you were having your own problems.” He says, although thinking that something medically had happened to him, not even thinking that Levi could do this. It would make sense, why he was so frail and kept his body hidden, so quiet and anxious about everything his entire life even before his mother died; he had a disease. What disease? He had no idea, but it now made sense and he wouldn’t pry if Levi didn’t want to tell him, just like Erwin had said.

“I hate that word.” Levi managed to mumble out, watching Eren before looking down, his bandaged arms exposed and his bandaged legs covered by the hospital gown and the thin hospital blanket. He hated the word ‘attention’ because it was associated with such bad things; ‘attention whore’, ‘attention seeker’, things like that. Attention always sounded so bad because it’s like you’re trying to get it, whether you’re telling somebody to pay attention or you’re looking for attention, maybe you want less attention. Sure he didn’t know what word to use instead, but he just didn’t like the word. Maybe aware, notice, observe? He had no idea but the lack of that foul word would make him happier anyday. “What word?” Eren asks while watching the ravenette, now lost at this point and still surprised that Levi spoke. “Attention.” Levi managed to get out while staring down still, not saying anything else as Eren watched him before sighing and nodding, then pulling out a stuffed bear and chocolates like you’d get someone for Valentine's Day, except it was mid November and he was getting these to make Levi hopefully feeling better. Levi looked towards the chocolates and stuffed bear while furrowing his brows slightly, “You didn’t have to get anything for me.” He continued to mumble as usual as Eren gave a small smile and nodded, “I know, but I wanted to.” He pushes while setting the items on the bed next to Levi, “Do you wanna talk about it?” Eren asked while watching him carefully, then setting Levi’s devices on the nightstand while plugging the laptop into the wall charger and turning it on to plug Levi’s phone into it since he knew that’s how Levi liked charging his devices.

Levi watched him before shrugging slightly, “What is there to talk about?” He asks lowly, knowing that Eren more than deserved an explanation for the past year or so, considering all that had happened between them and how in the dark he was about what’s been happening; why he’s been missing so much school. Eren deserved to know this and he should’ve known from the beginning, and there were times that Levi either tried or thought about telling him, but it never worked or he never even tried. It was such a difficult thing and he just didn’t want to throw all of this shit on him at once, but at this point that’s what seemed would happen. 

“Well I mean if you wanna talk about what’s up or why you’re in here; what’s been going on for a while since I noticed that something was up. You’ve been like this since you were younger, and I just wanna know exactly what it is?” He asks while watching Levi and assuming that it was a disease and not actually asking. Levi furrowed his brows confused, watching him before shaking his head. “What are you talking about?” He asks a bit louder, his voice about halfway back to normal. “I’ve only been like this a couple years and this bad for like a year or two maybe.” He says while watching Eren, kind of irritated that he’d just assume something.

Eren watched him blankly before tilting his head, “What are you talking about Levi?” He asked confused. “You’ve been like this you’re whole life, so quiet and distant, then having random moments of breakdowns or anger.” He says while watching him as Levi shook his head in disagreement. “Levi you’ve had something up your whole entire life and you’ve kept it hidden from me this long? And then still not tell me?” He asks, now accusing Levi of keeping a secret this entire time. 

Levi furrowed his brows at him and shook his head at him, “Oh my god Eren, I’m not fucking sick.” He says suddenly and a bit harshly, straining his voice ever so slightly and coughing slightly. He then sighed and shook his head while looking towards Eren, “I don’t have some physical disease, Eren.” He mumbles once more, growing a bit uncomfortable now that he raised his voice at Eren; who was watching the shorter male in disbelief that he could talk so loud and actually had a voice. That sounded really mean but it was true, Eren had never heard him talk in such a way in years and it was pretty amazing even if he was getting angry at the brunette.

“Wait you’re not sick or anything?” He asks confused before pausing, “Physical disease? What do you mean by that?” He asks, now completely and utterly confused about everything. So Levi wasn’t texting back because he didn’t have his phone, he’s been in the hospital, and that’s about all he knew. Where was he all those other times? Was he here as well? Why exactly was he in the hospital and were all those excuses legitimate? “Levi I’m so confused, I’m sorry for assuming things, but please explain to me. We’ve been friends for years and years; you can tell me anything.” He pleads while watching him desperately, now just wanting to feel close to him and understand again so maybe he could help him or whatever he needed.

Levi watched him before sighing heavily and looking down into his lap briefly, trying to keep from getting too uncomfortable or whatever so he could still talk to Eren. He didn’t particularly like that he was mute, but he also knew that he couldn’t do anything about it and he was stuck like this. He could take therapy and work on it to maybe get better control of it, but it would never completely go away...especially with all of his problems he had at the moment. “Eren it’s really complicated.” He mumbles, just kinda warning him since he was well aware that Eren wouldn’t care whether or not it was complicated. “But for years or now I’ve been going through depression.” He mumbles, beginning to grow uncomfortable and lose his voice, taking a deep shaky breath which seemed to catch Eren’s attention along with his words. 

Eren nods slightly while watching him, biting his bottom lip that he wasn’t more aware of this. Sure he thought at times that that’s what he was going through but he never fully applied it. His best friend had been suffering for years and Eren hadn’t completely noticed, going blind and just assuming that he was just plainly upset at times. Sighing he moved forward and reached for Levi’s hand which now rested in his own lap, causing Levi to glance over at him. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t more aware of what you were going through and I couldn’t help you.” Eren apologized, rubbing his thumb over the top of his hand soothingly, Levi shrugging slightly as he watched their hands being overly comforted by this for some reason. “No Levi, don’t just shrug this is a bigger deal than you’re acting like it is.” He says while watching Levi closely, unsure how to go about comforting him and such but knowing that he wanted Levi to know that he was there for him. “I really do care and I’m sorry I haven’t acted like it more often. I’ve been treating you terribly and you don’t deserve that.” He says, keeping his voice soft as he spoke to Levi, not wanting to discomfort him.

Levi was hearing him through entirely and he was really happy that they could finally talk about this and Eren had learned the severity of the situation, but it seemed he still didn’t know why he was in the hospital. “Thank you.” He mumbles as he lifted his head finally to look up at Eren, “It really means a lot that we’re actually talking about this.” He adds on as he spoke a bit more confidently now that the tension had cleared up mostly. “My feelings felt invalid, y’know, because I felt like I was just making stuff up in my head and that I was just imagining things to be worse than they really were.” He explains while watching Eren carefully. “I mean like I’ve been questioning my sexuality and I don’t think I’m asexual anymore.” He adds on, now feeling comfortable to finally bring up his sexuality and let Eren know what was up with that, because if Eren actually knew what was up he would know just how relevant that actually was to them. 

Eren seemed to perk up ever so slightly at the mention of Levi being something other than asexual; hoping that it was gay or something so that they could finally be together and get married in the future. He felt those cliche sparks in their kiss and he knew Levi had to had feel it too, maybe that’s what sparked him to question his sexuality again. “Levi you’re feelings could never be invalid, especially to me. I want to know when you’re upset or something’s going on so I can at least try to help you, okay?” He asks to Levi who nodded while watching Eren carefully, things seeming to lighten up between them. “And if you’re not asexual then what are you?” He asks curiously hoping that he wasn’t getting too much into Levi’s personal business and that’d tell him. 

Levi chewed on his bottom lip a bit in anticipation to what would happen if he told Eren about his sexuality, then looking around the pasty white room before looking back towards Eren. “I’ll be sure to tell you.” He reassures the male before thinking briefly if he should just be blunt; it wasn’t like he was telling Eren that he had a STD or something, he was just demisexual. Watching Eren he then sat up a bit more, “I’m demisexual.” He says as Eren then nodded and seemed to be thinking about something. “So you like someone if they’re close to you or you’re close to them?” He asks curiously as Levi nodded slightly. “Basically. I like this one guy and he’s really close to me, but I have zero attraction to anyone else.” He explains as Eren watched him blankly for a few seconds, hoping that it was him he was talking about but obviously knowing not to assume things at this point. “Do you mind if I know who that guy is? He must be lucky.” He says, flirting a bit without second thought.

Levi wasn’t exactly sure how or why he just bluntly said that; it was like word vomit or word diarrhea, he couldn’t stop talking and it just kept coming. He got a bit nervous and when he got nervous he started sweating which he hated. Eren felt his palm as it began to get a bit sweaty and rubbed a bit more, “It’s fine if you don’t wanna tell me I’m just curious is all.” Eren explains as Levi looks up at him and shakes his head to let him know that it’s okay, then watching him for a few moments before biting his bottom lip. “Eren do you wanna know why I didn’t like you dating Jean?” He asks Eren who furrowed his brows in confusion, almost completely positive that they both liked each other.

Levi watched as Eren seemed to slowly get it, then deciding to connect the constellation and leaned forward, almost falling out of the bed but reaching up with his free hand and catching himself on Eren’s shoulder, then reaching forward and pressing his lips against Eren’s lips thoughtlessly. Maybe it was the medicine, maybe it was the lack of oxygen and blood to his brain, maybe it was his balls finally dropping ((not literally, that happened a few years ago)), maybe it was the fact that Eren was finally single, but he wasn’t sure what compelled him to do such a thing. But Eren seemed to respond within a second, kissing back and moving his lips against Levi’s happily. The sparks were felt again and both of them were pretty content with what was happening at the moment; lips moving together as one as they both leaned in for more. Although after a few moments Erwin cleared his throat causing both of them to jump and pull apart, Levi slipping and falling forward, reaching for the closest thing which happened to be Eren’s leg, but alas his face still hit Eren’s crotch and it was easy to say it was pretty awkward for all of them. 

Eren coughed slightly while blushing darkly, quickly helping Levi ip who was blushing just as darkly as Eren. Getting fully back into the bed with Eren’s help since he himself was still a bit weak at the moment, then turning his head and glaring at Erwin. “That was your fucking fault.” He grumbles out as Erwin was blushing as well to have seen and technically caused such a thing, but he was nowhere near as flustered as the other two males. “I can admit to that, but why are you two kissing in a hospital? And have you eaten yet?” Erwin asks while moving over to the bed and chair, looking between the two as Levi grumbled. “Because we obviously like each other.” He mumbles, know the one assuming things as he then looked towards the bag and shook his head. “No, we were talking.” He explains before gesturing to the bag, Erwin nodding as Eren got the food out of it and handed to Levi. Opening the to-go container he was pleased to see pasta, looking up at Erwin. “Thanks.” He says, although it may not have sounded like he actually appreciated it Erwin knew that if he didn’t care he would’ve kept his mouth shut in general. Levi began eating slowly and confidently, getting his appetite back from the years of being frail and weak; which he still was but he was getting better. “You’re welcome, Levi.” Erwin says while watching Levi eat.

“Well the doctor said you’d be released depending on how fast you heal and your mental stability.” He says, Levi looking up and nodding slightly. “He said at soonest next week and the longest would be longer than a month.” He explained further, “But you shouldn’t be here longer than a month since you’ll be starting a regular psychiatrist when you’re released.” Erwin explains to him as Levi listened and nodded slightly. “Okay.” He mumbles while eating, then looking up at him. “So I’ll be starting school as soon as I’m released?” He asks curiously as Erwin thought before nodding slowly. “I think, but you’ll probably have a few days to a week to rest and get back into the routine and such. But work will continue to be sent here, so you won’t be getting out of work.” He says with a small chuckle, watching Levi carefully as he ate to make sure he was actually eating and such.

Levi only nodded as he focused on getting as much food down as possible, then looking up as he got more than half but less than most of it down. “Alright, well I have the work in the folder that I did.” He says lowly, actually trying at his work now and it was going well so far surprisingly, and maybe now that Eren could visit him they could help each other with work and homework. Reaching over he left the food in his lap before Erwin moved it out of his way, Levi grabbing the folder and looking through it quickly to make sure he completed everything, then handing it to Erwin. “That’s all of this week's.” He says as Erwin nodded before glancing towards Eren, “I guess I’ll leave you two to talk now, but don’t be making out like that again.” He scolds slightly as they both nodded and Erwin then left to do whatever.

After a couple of seconds they both looked towards each other, Eren then sighing contently and smiling a bit at the ravenette, “That was interesting.” He comments to hopefully get the ball rolling on the conversation. Levi nodded in agreement while watching him before stretching out his body the best he could on the bed, “I can’t believe we got caught kissing, you idiot.” He mumbles to Eren while looking around the room before looking towards him. Eren chuckled a bit while nodding in agreement, then leaning forward a bit so he was a bit closer to Levi, “So you like me?” He asks bluntly while watching Levi who looked at him, not necessarily growing uncomfortable but not exactly able to speak. So due to that he simply nodded slowly and bit his bottom lip. Eren saw this and smiled happily, “Awesome.” He says openly, leaning forward and kissing his cheek. “Can we date then? I mean..if you want.” He says while watching Levi cautiously.

Levi watched him, realizing this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and while he didn’t think Eren would mind if he said no and wanted to wait until he was in a better place, but he had already gone through Eren dating someone else and he didn’t wanna go through that. So he decided to take this chance, nodding to him as he watched him contently. Eren smiled happily and nodded happily, “Um...do you maybe..wanna cuddle?” He asks hesitantly, wanting to hold Levi and comfort him after all that’s happened, and he couldn’t even imagine what Levi’s been going through with everything. Levi watched him for a few seconds before nodding a bit happily this time, scooting over a bit in the full sized hospital bed, opening the blankets for him.

Eren perked up when he saw how willing Levi was, nodding and pulling off his shoes before climbing into the bed slowly as to not make any sudden movements that may strain Levi or startle him possibly, then looking to the ravenette who was holding the blanket up, then dropping it when Eren was laying down. Eren smiled softly at him before slowly resting a hand on Levi’s waist, everything about this feeling so right. “Can I?” He asks lowly, meaning if he could pull Levi close. Levi glanced up at him blankly for a few moments before realizing what he was talking about, then nodding and moving closer to him, resting his head against Eren’s chest as he felt Eren’s arms wrapping around his smaller body. Everything about this was perfect, despite being in the hospital and being so weak he couldn’t ask for anything different; being with his now boyfriend, cuddling, holding him close and enjoying their time together. Sure there were still questions and it was a little confusing and weird, but both of them were comfortable and enjoying it and themselves so it was still the definition of perfect.

Eren laid there holding him close, the word ‘boyfriend’ and ‘dating’ running through his head as this all happened, now extremely pleased and happy with himself even though the love of his life was in the hospital and he still didn’t know why. As he began entangling his legs with Levi’s he felt bandages wrapped around his legs, furrowing his brows a bit and glancing down to see if he could see under the blanket and see his legs. Barely able to see him he just saw the bandages before glancing towards Levi, the thoughts of their earlier conversations running through his head. Levi was depressed and suffering from mental illnesses, anxiety, probably a million other things that Levi couldn’t even begin to describe; could he have done this to himself..? Could he have put himself in the hospital…? Was this the reason he always wore long clothing and never shown his body? He was also extremely frail and skinny..could he have an eating disorder? He knew that Levi didn’t like eating in front of others, but could it be deeper than that? I mean that by itself is an eating disorder, but maybe he wasn’t eating at all. Eren never thought about any of this, he was being so oblivious to everything that was right in front of him; Levi not liking the two dating, crying when he heard the two in the bedroom, Levi not eating, Levi always hiding himself, Levi never talking at all, Levi sometimes texting Eren in the middle of the night complaining about how he couldn’t stand ‘this’ -- never a given thing, it was only ever ‘this’. It all made sense now and he needed to confirm this with Levi so he could be more aware of what was going on and maybe he could help him. He wasn’t sure how he could help him but he could at least talk to him and let him vent -- comfort him and reassure him, not to mention that in doing this they’d also get closer and learn more about each other.

With this in mind he decided to question Levi and hope that Levi didn’t get uncomfortable or try to change the subject. “Hey Levi..” He asks softly as Levi lifted his head and looked up at Eren so they could talk, “Yeah?” He asks while watching him curiously, noticing the look of confusion and curiosity. “What is it?” He asks to press further. Eren watched him while biting his bottom lip before speaking up. “Did you uh...selfharm..?” He asks hesitantly and lowly before quickly adding on, “I mean you don’t have to tell me, but I was just wondering. You’re bandaged from head to toe basically...and uh...you’re pretty tiny.” He explains quickly while watching as Levi grew silent, then nodding slightly. He didn’t grow uncomfortable but he didn’t exactly like talking about it, and the fact that Eren finally figured it out...well he was kinda pleased and happy, but now he was going to be questioned and he needed to explain everything to Eren but lord that would take forever. Eren’s look softened as he gently kissed Levi’s head, “Is that why..you’re in the hospital..? And why..you’ve missed so much school..?” He asks slowly and cautiously, Levi watching him silently before nodding and looking down in shame, not like it and feeling guilty for not telling him sooner and letting him know. “Yeah..” He managed to mumble out, now staring down at their bodies nearly touching as they cuddled. After a few moments of silence since Eren wasn’t sure what to say and Levi was silent as usual, well, he finally spoke up. 

“I tried to commit suicide.”


	8. Floating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi finds himself in a very lucid dream that is extremely calming, feeling peaceful and happy for once in his life. But the more he enjoys it the more he finds something to be peculiar about it. Find out what exactly is going on with this dream and possibly why he's having it.

Darkness, and then light. Floating, not falling -- but not flying either. Levi didn’t understand what was happening, but he felt weightless for once; in a good way. So captivated, but free and independent. He felt like he could do anything, surpass all the odds and finally enjoy himself. Opening his eyes he looked around, only seeing blackness around himself -- surrounding him and engulfing his body and soul. It felt like he couldn’t move, completely limp yet stiff all at the same time. Trying to move he just felt pressure pressing against his entire body, it getting worse the more he struggled...but he wanted it, to move. Continuing to struggle he found himself feeling relief as he finally extended an arm out and began to try and move around; feeling like he was moving but not seeing any difference in this jelly like space.  
Looking around Levi slowly saw something...like a light. This all felt very cliche and like he couldn’t expect anything less, but he was confused all the same. Slowly moving towards the light with struggle and feeling everything holding him back, he continued to struggle with it because he wanted to reach the light. Sure enough it slowly got closer, and as Levi struggled more he slowly met it and closed his eyes tightly at how bright it was. As he slowly opened his eyes he felt like he was falling, unable to catch himself and just falling. Where? He had no idea, his back was facing down and he was looking up at white -- just white. But he didn’t feel scared, not one bit, not scared, startled, worried, just..falling.  
As he took a deep breath he felt it slow down, everything calming down a bit as he slowly breathed. Looking around as everything was settling he found himself able to move himself to sit up, placing his feet down as he saw the ground forming and his once nude, milky white, battered, bruised, scarred, frail, skinny, destroyed body slowly thickened up and the once cuts turned to scars, bruises fading, old scars healing up. Looking down at himself a light gray button up appeared over his torso, nice navy blue cargo shorts forming over his leg, plain black converse on his feet. He felt nice and proud of this, but he wasn’t sure what all of this was. Studying his body he looked extremely nice compared to what he really is, slowly lifting his head and looking around as he appeared in the park. A beautiful Japanese park with Cherry Blossom trees and a nice pond with Koi fish, the petals floating down gracefully yet with a tragic end on the ground. It reminded him of something, but he couldn’t figure it out.  
A path began to form behind and in front of himself -- a walkway in the middle of the park for people to walk through and gaze at the beautiful nature. Levi followed the path slowly, looking around at everything going on around him, the petals, the very faint breeze, the light sound of fish nipping at the surface of the water. Levi had always studied things around him, observing closely and paying close attention. But he’d never actually stopped to appreciate these things, enjoy them and simply bask in the simplicity or little things. He had this time though, to stop and focus on these positive things that almost...made him happy. That was a word Levi never thought of positively because he’d lost this feeling years ago -- it just never happened.  
Leaving the path reluctantly as his feet met the healthy green grass he made his way over to the pond, slowly leaning down as he noted the lily pads with beautiful light pink flowers. Looking down at the Koi he expected to see your typical Yin and Yang in the pond, but he saw some simply white, orange, and black Koi. Admiring the beauty of the fish he remembered that Koi’s grew to the size of their habitat or their body of water per say, but all of these thoughts and ideas flowed through his head; but he didn’t feel overwhelmed from all of these thoughts for once. He wanted to dip his hand into the water and feel the cold surround his hand, feel the water brush his hand as the fish would swim by and become startled by the new predator in the area. But he knew it was all a dream and it wouldn’t be that satisfying, or clean.  
He wanted to understand all of this, know why he was having such a vivid...lucid dream. What all of this meant to him or why his brain was making him see this stuff, but at the same time...he didn’t want to question it and cause it to end. Have all of these beautiful sights and the simplicity of it all come to a halt, the happiness he’s finally feeling disappear and having to face reality once more. He didn’t want that, he wanted to be happy.  
Looking around he began to stand, realizing that he didn’t have too much time and his dream might end. Wanting to explore more he glanced down at the Koi fish one last time before turning and going back to the path, trying to ignore the sadness he felt knowing this was only a dream. With that thought in mind he continued back to the path and started walking back the way he originally faced, looking around and keeping a slow pace he watched everything around him, the line of trees along the path, endless fields of perfect green grass and the one simple pond.  
He couldn’t understand this, why was it so simple? Why was it happening? How should he feel about this? Should he be happy? Or should he focus at that nagging sad feeling instead? It was a dream after all, it shouldn’t make him feel so happy and at peace -- affecting him so much. But he couldn’t help but feel almost physically moved by all of this, how he had to struggle to get here because it’s what he wanted, but he was here now.  
Walking along the path he eyed everything before noticing there was a forest that the path led into, noticing that the trees were tall and healthy, beautiful and such a thick forest. He thought nothing of it and thought it would be just another beautiful part of his dream, looking around at the park he was leaving behind before willingly making his way into the forest. “Look at all these big ass trees..” He mumbled to himself, looking around curiously and sighing at the boring simplicity compared to the beautiful simplicity of the park.  
Although as he continued to look around his noticed his vision starting to blur, furrowing his brows as he looked up at the light shining through the trees, feeling his body starting to shake. Looking down as he lifted up his arms he noticed that bruises and cuts were starting to form along his forearms, shaking his head no as it was reality breaking into his dream; at least he thought so. “I was enjoying my dream, don’t do this!” He yells, surprised by how loud his voice was, something he and anyone else hadn’t heard in years. Tears forming as he pressed his forearms against his body, trying to hide or stop this from happening but the more his vision blurred the more he noticed everything turning dark -- his usual turtleneck sweater and skinny jeans replacing the nice button up and cargo shorts, new converse changing to his old battered vans.  
Turning around as he planned to run out of the forest he noticed he was now surrounded by this forest, the once green trees now a dark grey and everything being foggy and unwelcoming. Biting down on his bottom lip harshly he was quite thankful for the lack of pain due to it being a dream, glancing down at his arms before rolling up his sleeves, noticing the self inflicted wounds all still there. Years of scars built up with cuts, burns, and bruises covering them, unstoppable pain that tormented Levi every day -- but he loved it so much because he felt he deserved it. Any random person on the internet would tell him he didn’t, but they didn’t know him, what he’d done, his life, his past, who he truly was and what he had been through.  
As he stood there, broken and alone once more, he noticed something..someone in the distance. Furrowing his brows as he tried to get a better look he began to recognize the figure, it belonging to a woman. A beautiful, young, Asian woman that he deeply recognized all too well. Soft loving eyes, the small yet caring smile, her short stature that Levi inherited, beautiful white dress she always wore, long black hair that rested over her shoulders and on her chest making it appear shorter in length than it actually was. “Mum..” He whispered, the one person he’d been dying to see for years now. The one person he’d kill for, other than Eren, the last known bloodline he had.  
He didn’t even hesitate or think twice and began walking, moving towards her quickly as tears began freely streaming down his face, salty tears falling wherever they pleased. For once Levi didn’t care that he was crying, he didn’t care of the emotion he was expressing. He just cared that his mother had finally visited him in his dreams, years he had been waiting. She visited frequently when he was younger, but by the time he had learned what depression was, she stopped abruptly to which he could never figure out -- he simply assumed she was disappointed in him.  
“Mum!” He called, reaching for her as he continued running towards her, but the closer he got the more her beautiful image became distorted, shifting to a more recent one he knew all too well as well. Hair greasy and tangled, the beautiful white dress now a hospital gown, a red rash covering her legs, body visible sweating and her holding onto an IV pole that was connected through her arm, holding some sort of medicine in the bag. Dark ugly bags under eyes, ragged breathing and an empty look in her eyes. This’s how she looked the last time Levi saw her, before the funeral anyways. He had snuck in when Carla had visited and brought him and Eren with her, waiting until nobody was watching and made a run for it. He entered the room and she was laying there, heart monitor beating steadily, her sleeping soundly after talking with Carla. He didn’t know what to think as a kid, all he did was move over and hold her hand, watch her breath and let her know he loved her, that he wished for her to come back soon. Telling her all of the things he had been doing, how he played with Eren and they got to play with ducks at the park -- everything they had done recently that he wished his mother could’ve done with them.  
These memories haunted him, reminding him that he never said bye when she was alive, that he was naive and innocent enough to believe she’d live to tell the tale of when she got deathly sick. Nobody telling him he needed to say bye when they rushed him out of the room he last saw his mother alive in, just scolding him for being so disobedient and not listening to the few rules. He felt sick to his stomach seeing her like this, so broken and useless, unable to do anything without suffocating and passing out. This’s not who she was as a person, she was so lively and happy, but so soft and gentle. She deeply cared for others, doing whatever she could while making sure they were still all independent at the same time. She wasn’t defined by the sickness that killed her, she’s not defined by how death-surrounded she was, but how happy and how hard she tried to seem like everything was okay. She was defined by the fact that despite she knew she’d die, she tried to be happy and comfort others. Sure it pissed him off that she never admitted how sick she was, and tried to cover it with happiness, but the fact that she treasured Levi’s innocence, she wanted Levi to be happy while everyone began tearing him down as she died.  
Years passed and people would tell him he needed to move on, that it had been far too long and he was being irrational about all of this. That she was simply a corpse now, never asking about her or who she was. She was just some dead person to them and the showed pity to Levi, as well as invalidating his feelings. Nobody helped him move on, and that’s the reason he never did and still wasn’t over his wonderful...dead mother.  
“M-Mum..” He mumbled while slowing down, not enjoying the sight of her turning to the horrid state he last remembered in. He wanted to remember the happy times and cooking with her, enjoying himself and laughing happily as they played in the yard. He didn’t want the bad memories, he didn’t want to think about it let alone see it. “Mum..” He mumbled while reaching out towards her, slowly, slowly moving closer and not wanting to admit to this state.  
“Levi.” She choked out, her voice broken and out of breath sounding, but so demonic at the same time. Looking at the ravenette with her dead empty eyes Levi quivered at the sight of her and the sound of her voice, shaking his head no. “You’re not my mum.” He mumbles while closing his eyes tightly as his vision began blurring again, tormenting sounds of scraping and laughing in his head.  
“I am your mother, this’s who I was before I died.” She said in her now harsh voice, “You never even said bye to me, Levi. What kind of son are you?” She snapped, causing Levi to flinch as he shook his head and tears streamed down his face, guilt starting to consume him. “I’m sorry..” He mumbles, feeling absolutely terrible knowing that in his mother's last moments he only spoke of himself rather than taking to his mum and telling her goodbye. He remembered managing an ‘I love you’ as he was pulled out, but that probably wasn’t near enough to be considered appropriate after he neglected his mother in his narcissistic ways.  
“Sorry doesn’t do anything, Levi, you know that.” She said firmly, Levi falling silent as he hung his head down, simply nodding and refusing to look up at the horrid figure of his mother; the sight only reminding him of his guilt and regret of the past. “Look at me when I speak to you.” She snapped once more, Levi flinching and closing his eyes tightly before looking up at her, breaking all over again as he saw the same sight. “Mum…” He whispered lowly as if calling out for help, although he didn’t know to whom. His mother was standing right there, but maybe he was calling out for his mother -- the mother he actually knew and love. The one that would be holding him and comforting right now, rubbing his back and telling him it was alright. That it was okay to cry and be afraid, but that he shouldn’t worry about her and he should be happy again. That was the mother he knew.  
It was almost as if..he could hear that mother, whispering ‘it’s alright’ to him as he cried; the faint feeling of her rubbing his back and holding him close. He could barely feel it, but all at the same time he knew it wasn’t real. Looking around slowly his vision kept shaking and blurring, body trembling as tears continued to stream down his face. He could hear the voice, he knew it was real, and he wanted to find it. Glancing back towards the demented version of his mother he bit his lip before speaking up, “Bye, mum. I love you.” He whispers softly before turning and running off, breathing heavily as he tried to find the soft comforting voice.  
He felt better as he ran from the figure, whether it was him running from his problems, leaving the problem behind, or that he finally said ‘bye’, he wasn’t sure. But it felt good to run, and now his only concern was to find this voice before he passed out. Well not really past out since he was still asleep and this was all a dream, but he felt extremely dizzy and almost as if he’d pass out at any moment. Of course he didn’t want to and he wanted to find the source of his mother’s sweet voices and comfort, but at the same time he felt if he closed his eyes he’d wake up to reality. Usually it was the other way and he wanted to dream, but at the moment this was tormenting and he didn’t want to be here anymore.  
As he continued running he could hear the voice getting louder, the faint rubbing becoming more prominent -- he felt himself calming down and he wanted more of this relaxing feeling. He wished he hadn’t come in here and he could’ve stayed in the beautiful park, where he was so happy and everything felt so perfect. He knew that he’d wake up soon and this would no longer be, and who knew when he’d return? He’d hope it’d be soon, but 99% of the time he didn’t really dream.  
The world around him was now just a path with a field of dead of grass surrounding everywhere he looked, the sky cloudy and the path endless as he ran. He wasn’t sure where he was, but he just wanted back -- or at least anywhere but here. He still didn’t understand this dream, and as much as he’d love to gain an understanding of this hell, he just wanted to forget about it and move on. He wanted to forget this ever happened and go back to the hell that was reality, I guess at this point everything was considering hell at this point because no matter what he couldn’t be happy.  
Running and running he began breathing heavily, the tears slowly subsiding as he felt himself getting extremely dizzy, vision blurring and his body slowing down. He couldn’t go anymore, he’d met his limit and it wasn’t taking kindly to him. But...he wanted to find his mum, he wanted to see her again and say bye one last time, but the comforting voice got louder and louder as the world around him got darker and darker.


	9. Wake Up, Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi wakes up after his nightmare and Eren makes sure that his sweet little boyfriend is comforted and taken care of
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> Honestly, there's no real plot point to this chapter but I needed to upload something and I think it's cute? ;;

Eren was laying with Levi in the hospital bed holding him close and rubbing his back, not necessarily staring at him or anything but more so admiring him. He knew not to look at him for too long because then it’d get weird and they wouldn’t want that -- especially as soon as they started dating. He enjoyed seeing Levi sleep though, although he usually seemed pissed off and upset, but for some reason this time he seemed extremely peaceful. Eren enjoyed this look on his face since it was something he hadn’t seen awhile if at all, and it was a good look for Levi. 

As Levi laid there, completely content and relaxed in Eren’s arms it was obvious he was dreaming because every now and then he’d shift in his arms or nuzzle into him. Which of course Eren just watched him and allowed him to move as he wished as long as it wasn’t tugging any cords or tubes or anything. Occasionally nuzzling Levi’s hair or kissing his head whenever it seemed appropriate or maybe he was shifting more than usual. He could tell Levi was dreaming deeply as said before and it made him happy considering Levi had told him on multiple occasions that he didn’t dream and only saw darkness when he was asleep. 

Although after awhile Levi began shifting more and more, tossing and turning a bit and occasionally making a small noise from a grunt to a whimper, and while it should’ve been adorable that Levi was making such noises -- Eren of course was concerned and worried about why he was making such noises and moving in such a way. Sure everyone knew that when dogs dreamt they twitched and made noises, but everyone also knew that that wasn’t common for humans unless they were having a nightmare; which meant only one thing. The sweet dream that Eren assumed Levi was having was now ruined and he was flipping out in his head, and Eren was caught between waking him up or letting him sleep since he’d never seen him sleep so peaceful. Of course, he didn’t want the ravenette to struggle through a nightmare, and it was clear that he was no longer sleeping peacefully. But how could he know for sure if Levi wanted to be woken up? He was well aware of Levi’s insomnia so he didn’t want to ruin his occasional moments of slumber.

But the longer he waited the more distressed Levi seemed to grow, and the less of an option he had between letting him sleep or aiding his mind. Pausing momentarily he then gently shook his shoulder, “Levi.” He says softly, making sure his voice wasn’t abrupt or harsh but made sure it was loud enough to be heard and his voice was soft enough. This earned a small groan from Levi, Eren pausing before gently nudging him and saying his name again. Each time seemed to wake him up a bit more, so he continued with that as he waited for him to wake up.

After maybe a minute of that Levi began to slowly wake up, and the fact that it took Levi a minute to finally open his eyes meant something about his sleep this time. Usually, it took five to ten seconds, and you’re average person may be thirty seconds -- so for Levi to wake up at a minute, well it was surprising, to say the least.

Sighing softly as the sharp eyes looked up at Eren, now dull with the effects of sleep and just waking up, he watched as the smaller male furrowed his brows. “What was that for?” He asks a bit groggily, rubbing his eyes to try and wake himself up more and adjust his eyes. Eren couldn’t help but smile softly down at his little boyfriend, eyes studying his pale and tired face, taking in the bags in his eyes that never seemed to go away, all the little imperfections that made him appear to be a perfect God, his thin yet bushy eyebrows since all men had bushy and thick eyebrows due to an increased amount of hair growth on the body done by testosterone, his Asian eyes that still had a crease due to the French in him, and his thin and chapped lips, the way his hair was spread across his face and the pillow so neatly yet abstractly.

Eren almost got lost in thought before he heard Levi speak up again, “Oi, Jaeger?” He asks since his question wasn’t answered and the brunette was practically staring at him. Snapping out of his daze he gave him an awkward grin, “Huh? Oh, you seemed like you were having a nightmare so I woke you up.” He explained softly as Levi slowly nodded. “How’d you know I was having a nightmare?” He asks since in his mind he didn’t act any different than he usually did while sleeping.

Eren couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped his lips, “Because you were making some noises and moving around, and if I know anything about you, it’s that you don’t move at all in your sleep or make sounds.” He explained himself briefly, earning a slow and thoughtful nod from Levi who seemed to be processing this considering it was hard enough for Eren to understand; and it came out of his mouth. Most of the time Eren never really made sense, it was kind of just who he was. His personality was just spastic so it only made sense that he didn’t make sense. Geez, that’s a sentence.

Levi pretty much understood what he meant, as he’d known him for awhile after all. But either way, he was going to tease Eren about it, stretching out a bit as he furrowed his brows. “I speak English, Jaeger.” He reminds him, Eren barely catching that he was teasing as he grinned and nodded while watching his now boyfriend happily. “I’m just saying, you were being unusually active in your slumber.” He rephrased, earning a nod from Levi. “I know what you meant, Eren.” He grumbles as he began to sit up onthe bed, glancing towards Eren expectantly. 

“I have to shit.” He says bluntly and abruptly, expecting Eren to help him to the bathroom that came with the hospital room. Eren was taken aback by the sudden comment when they were just talking about his nightmare, but he knew what Levi wanted. Grinning as he nodded he then slipped out of the bed, briefly stretching his legs before moving over to the side of the bed that Levi was more towards. “Where is it okay to touch?” Eren asked softly, wanting to make sure he didn’t grab his arm or anywhere where he was injured. 

Levi simply glanced up before shrugging slightly. “I don’t know, I’ve been carrying myself to the bathroom so you’re gonna have to find out.” He informed him, shifting to hang his legs off of the bed, grasping the pole that held the blood and medication that Levi was taking. Eren simply nodded, studying him for a few moments and figuring that it wouldn’t be a good idea to grab his arm since that seemed to be the most affected, maybe the small of his back? While holding his free hand? That sounded good, watching the smaller male carefully as his right hand moved to rest on the small of Levi’s back, the other coming to hold his left hand, the right holding onto the pole. In this touch he could tell how small and frail he truly was, feeling the slight tremble of his legs from being so weak and malnourished, but he didn’t say anything. He may not have been aware of this for most of their friendship...somehow, but he wasn’t going to over-focus on it either. Because Levi was working towards recovery and that’s all that mattered, so it wasn’t about how he was now or all that he’d done behind closed doors. Sure Eren might ask a few questions later, educate himself on exactly what was going on with Levi. He sort of got the basis of it, but he just wanted to know more about Levi’s personal situation. He wouldn’t force anything, but he’d be pleased if he could learn more. But it wasn’t his business after all, even if they were best friends and now boyfriends; he’d respect Levi’s decision no matter what.

The position of his hands must’ve been fine as Levi didn’t respond verbally or physically, not even a glance. So with that, he leads Levi over to the bathroom before gently opening the door, “Need me to help you to the toilet?” He asks, half teasing, half sincere. Levi shot a glance up at him, a bit curious as to if Eren was serious or not. Glancing around there was the sink, but otherwise not really a counter he could guide himself with. Sure there was the bars near the toilet and all of that to help people up and down, but that wasn’t high enough in order for him to guide himself -- despite how short he was. “Yeah.” He answered while glancing up at Eren, not caring if he was teasing or not; he needed the help. While he usually wouldn’t ask for help and he’d just force himself, he was supposed to be recovering so he did his best to ask for help and be grateful for it. He’d always greatly appreciated things when someone helped him or something, but he apparently had an awful way of showing it and he’d always been accused of being ungrateful by every single adult he’d meet. He mostly ignored them, but it was another guilty thing that ate away at him.

Eren nodded slightly down at the ravenette and smiles softly, leading him over to the toilet gently; usually, this would be a weird topic and people would find it gross. But they were best friends and this was one of Levi’s pet peeves -- when people act grossed out by things that everyone does, such as farting or burping, using the bathroom; so on and so forth. It was endless, but Levi had ranted about it plenty of times to Eren. Eren gently moved him over, helping him stand and glancing away briefly as Levi released Eren’s hand and reached beneath his hospital gown to pull down his boxers and sit down on the ceramic throne. Now that he thinks about it, is there a special name for a hospital gown? Like a real name, per say, rather than just ‘hospital gown’. He’d have to look that up later. Glancing up at Eren he nodded slightly, “I’ll call you back in here when I’m done.” He told him; he may be blunt about things, but he still required privacy. Nodding slightly Eren gave him a teasing grin before moving out of the bathroom, giving him his alone time.

Levi took his time in the bathroom, not caring to rush himself since there was nothing else going on. Once he finished with his duties and such, he stood up with the help of the bar on the wall...he’d have to look up the name of that too. Pulling up his boxers before closing the seat which was convenient provided -- he had this thing that where germs and all that gets shot into the air when you flush and all that, so he had to close it ((if possible)) and stand far away as possible before flushing. So now that it was closed, he then moved back and held onto the counter of the sink which was conveniently close enough to do what he was about to do. Lifting a foot he then flushed the toilet with it, then turned and leaned against the counter as he began thoroughly scrubbing at his terribly timed torn up hands, in which he did himself from impulsively scratching at his hand when he got anxious. Wincing slightly since they were freshly picked at and irritated, the soap and water hopefully cleaning it out but it still hurt like a bitch. Sighing softly he saw a bit of blood, brows furrowing since it was annoying, holding his hand under the water as he soon heard a soft knock on the door. Glancing over he softly cleared his throat before speaking.

“Yeah?” He asked softly while tilting his head, “Can I come in?” Eren asks softly, merely assuming that Levi wasn’t on the toilet anymore due to the sound of water running. Glancing down at his hand he then shrugged softly and glanced back towards the door, “Sure.” He says softly, not seeing why not even if his hand was bleeding. He didn’t make himself bleed on purpose, after all, so he had nothing to worry about. As Eren walked in the first thing he saw was the ravenette due to the sink being positioned right in front of the door. The tiles being a nice beige color and the ceramic sink being a nice pristine white, something Levi could appreciate. Looking at the smaller male he smiled softly before noticing the faint red color seeping into the water, brows furrowing as he moved over. 

“What happened?” He asks softly, a bit worried that he had injured himself on purpose -- but he wouldn’t immediately accuse him of anything. Moving over he noticed that Levi was holding it under the water in order to rinse it off, glancing at him again for an answer still. “I was washing my hands and it started bleeding.” He explained shortly, Eren nodding as he reached up and gently turned off the water just to see how bad the bleeding was. Looking at it, it was a bit persistent, but it wasn’t too bad. “Wait, didn’t you have bandages over your hands?” He asks, glancing down as he saw the bandages discarded in the trash can. “Levi.” He said urgently, immediately assuming that Levi had lied to him and he’d actually hurt himself.

A heavy sigh left Levi’s throat as he shook his head, “They were falling off, and I needed to wash my hands.” He said firmly, Eren nodding slightly since he couldn’t argue; especially already knowing that he was a clean freak and washed his hands every time he went into a bathroom even if he didn’t use the toilet. Sighing lightly and a bit thoughtfully he then nodded slightly, “Put some paper towels on it and I’ll go get a nurse to wrap your hands again.” He says, moving to get the paper towels from the dispenser, glancing at him briefly before moving over and gently pressing the thin paper material to the back of Levi’s hand. He usually wasn’t this straightforward with him, but now that they were dating and he suddenly knew more about what was actually going on beneath his sleeves; he felt the need to take care of him and make sure he was okay. Crowding him or anything definitely wasn’t his goal, but aiding him was his first goal at this point.

Levi huffs softly at how forthright Eren was being about the situation, flinching slightly at the pressure on the wounds, earning a concerned glance from the brunette before he led Levi back to the bed and promptly left to go find a nurse.

Levi was thankful he had such a wonderful friend, and now boyfriend, who was willing to take care of him where he himself would usually sit there and just make himself bleed more. He felt better about where he was headed and getting better, especially with Eren at his side. He didn’t get upset with him and he continued to be there for him; though he used to get upset over small things. But now that he had a better grasp of what was actually going on he trusted him to not get upset so often. Soon enough the door opened again and Levi lifted his head to see Eren walking in behind a nurse. The nurse glancing at Levi who was still holding the now bloody paper towels to his hand, a soft sigh heard from her as Levi shifted uncomfortably. “What happened? You’re supposed to keep those on.” She scolds softly as he moved over and didn’t hesitate to start taking care of his hand. The nurses here were beyond nicer than the ones anywhere else he’d been, so he didn’t mind as much. Watching as she began cleaning it off without irritating it even more, then putting medicine on it and wrapping his hand again with gauze pads and tape. Somewhere when all of that was happening he finally spoke up, “I needed to wash my hands.” He finally answered, his voice quiet since he was still uncomfortable around authority or people around there. But he knew he couldn’t let his voice die due to anxiety and he needed to work on his voice, so he pushed himself to speak without straining himself. If he couldn’t do this for himself, in the long run, he’d do it for Eren and their relationship. He’d been waiting for this for over a year so he wouldn’t let it go like that, and while he can’t speak for how he’ll feel in the future he’s determined at the moment and that’s all the matters. For now anyways.

The nurse glanced up at his soft words before nodding slightly, deciding she couldn’t argue with that especially considering all of Levi’s nurses and doctors were well aware of his freakish cleaning habits. “I have an idea.” She says softly as Levi glanced up from his hand to her face with curiosity, wondering what she was thinking. “Either, I’ll get you some gloves to wear whenever you do something in which you’d want to wash your hands afterward, or I can get you some rubber gloves and cut off the fingers so you can still wash your hands that way. It’s weird, but we’ve had to do it before.” She explains softly as Levi nodded slowly, glancing up at her. “I like the first idea.” He says softly, not wanting to deal with the difficulty of the latter idea. The nurse responded with a soft smile and nodded, finishing aiding his hand and taking a step back. “I’ll get you the box, then.” She said, moving over to the cabinet in the room and grabbing a box of sterilized gloves they used, setting them beside Levi’s bed so he could use them when he wanted.

Glancing towards the nurse briefly she had shoulder length brown hair and hazel eyes, nothing really important about her but she seemed nice enough. Glancing back towards Eren he tilted his head slightly, still a bit groggy from his earlier nap as it replayed in his hand what had happened. It wasn’t his mom, but more so how he sometimes thought she felt about him and how she should’ve really been acting towards him. But he was trying to get better so why was it like this? He knew it wouldn’t be that fast, but it still really bothered him...not that he wanted to talk about it either though. They’ve already clarified that Eren doesn’t feel any different about him due to their current situation, but if he told him that he was also having weird dreams that were portraying his wonderful mother as a hag, well that’d be a little different. Though people have weird dreams all the time that make no sense, so maybe it wouldn’t be too big of a deal. He didn’t know, but he would bring it up when he felt like it.

The nurse glanced at Levi curiously, “Do you need anything else? Food or anything?” She asks softly as Levi glanced up and shook his head no, “No..” He said softly, “But my body is starting to hurt.” He mutters since he could tell the pain medication they gave him had begun to wear off. The nurse looked at him before nodding slightly, grabbing the reports of everything that had been given to him and when seeing if she could give him anything yet. Looking at the information scribbled on the paper she nodded slightly and glanced towards him, “I’ll give you a small dosage.” She says softly as she put on another pair of gloves since she took the first off in order to check the papers without getting anything on them. 

Gently grabbing what she needed she then inserted it into the clear solution that filled the IV bag, Levi was unsure what it was but he was too lazy to ask. He probably wouldn’t gain any of the names anyways, so there was no point; that was also something else he would just google later. He had some unspoken for appreciation as he tended to use it a lot for everything. Looking for a picture, wanting information, finding a youtube video he couldn’t remember the name of; it was perfect and if he was any weirder than he currently was he’d probably preach around town the wonders of google and why everyone should use it. He seemed to be getting weirder as the day continued, but maybe that was actually his thoughts finally being acknowledged. 

Once the nurse finished up everything and Levi was taken care of she left the room, the uniform beeping filling the silence in the white room left with only Eren and Levi left in it. Although they were left alone and nothing was being said, the silence wasn’t uncomfortable at all. It felt content and kind of just like they were taking a moment to acknowledge their surroundings before they acknowledged each other again. But Levi wasn’t having any of that and glanced over to Eren with curiosity as to what he was doing -- and he was staring at his phone. A soft huff left him before he picked up his own phone and began checking his notifications; nothing too exciting going on. A few obnoxious texts from his particularly obnoxious friend Hanji, as well as the group chat with Erwin and Hanji and Mike, the four of them had such wonderful and strange conversations. But since Levi just recently got his phone back there wasn’t much activity going on, though he didn’t actually put anything in the chat; he simply sent Hanji a response getting pissed at her for spamming his phone while he didn’t have it.

He had a few Snapchat messages, and after checking them he didn’t feel the need to respond since they were those stupid ‘streak’ snaps that made no sense. Checking all of his friend’s stories Hanji was usually her science experiments and strange food creations, Erwin’s was usually of his eyebrows or animals for some strange reason, and then Mike’s was his nose and some caption about something he could smell. He had a few other people but he didn’t care about them as much, and then Eren’s was usually pictures of his video games, a show he was watching, or him and Levi. Although while he was with Jean it was a bunch of pictures of them, and now that Levi had been gone it was nothing except for maybe the occasional picture of him with Armin and Mikasa. Eren’s story was probably Levi’s favorite, and visa versa because they were so close and constantly wondering what was going on with the other if they weren’t right beside each other.

Getting an idea, as he was bored, he then opened the Snapchat camera and pointed his phone towards Eren. His sound was usually off so he didn’t have to worry about Eren hearing the shutter at all, and he snapped a picture of him without noticing. Looking closer at the picture he snuck it was simply Eren, nothing special. And with that he didn’t add a filter or anything; proceeding to post it to his story. Taking another one he put the time stamp on that one before posting it, then finally spoke up. Turning his back to Eren a little he opened the front facing camera, clearing his throat to get Eren’s attention after he applied the basic bitch filter that was actually his favorite (the dog). As soon as Eren was looking up he took the picture, earning a soft and surprised gasp from Eren before he quickly argued. “Wait! Don’t post that!” He exclaimed with a humored laugh, Levi simply ignoring him and applying the first filter before posting it directly to his story. Now there wasn’t anything Eren could do about it, especially considering that he wouldn’t let Eren touch his phone now that there was a possibility of him deleting the posts or pictures.

Eren watched as Levi posted the candid picture of them so quickly, a pouting huff leaving him as Levi shot him a ‘be quiet’ glance, earning a grin from Eren who quickly opened his snap as well. But where Levi kept his phone on silent; Eren didn’t, so as soon as he took the picture Levi’s head snapped up. “Oi.” He started, thinking for a brief second that he had no room to complain since he did the same to his brown haired friend, but then he remembered that Eren hadn’t seen those pictures yet. So he continued, “What’re you doing?” He snapped, earning a giddy giggle from the playful male who quickly posted it before Levi could say anything about it. Groaning softly Levi then flipped him off, Eren getting a picture of that as well and posting it. 

It was moments like this that Levi really appreciated; when they were happy and simply having fun no matter what was going on around them or where they were -- whatever was going on, they were still having fun. Nothing in the world mattered to them and they were focused on each other, messing with each other and being playful. It was just really nice and Levi actually felt...normal...for once. He felt like he wasn’t that depressed and mute kid everyone knew him for; that he could have fun and be happy. It hadn’t happened a lot recently due to everything going on, but so far it was wonderful and he was enjoying it. Whenever he was like this with Eren it seemed like the Earth stopped spinning and everything was okay like nothing could ruin it. It was moments like this where he became positive in his feelings for Eren and that he could even possibly love him. That was rich coming from somebody who claimed to not believe in love weeks ago, but the more this started to work out the more he started to believe in it -- as long as he was with Eren. Love was a complicated topic for Levi, and he avoided it at all costs unless it was playful banter. But he was growing comfortable and daring, and dare he say that he’s starting to love Eren -- as if he hadn’t before.

Glancing towards his best friend he then sighed softly, “Eren, I want to cuddle again.” He says stubbornly, of course not going to be sweet and lovey about it -- this stuff embarrassed him and he didn’t like being sweet about it. He was blunt when he wanted something and he’d take it if he wanted it bad enough, but if he wasn’t given it then he wouldn’t say anything else and he’d leave it alone. But this was something he, frankly, really wanted, so he’d work for it. Eren glanced up at him curiously before nodding and smiling softly, beginning to stand to situate himself before slipping into the bed once Levi scooted to one side. It was funny because he didn’t his shoes on from their previous cuddle session -- he was in such a hurry to find a nurse he hadn’t put them back on. One he was in the bed and beneath the thin blanket he then watched as Levi almost immediately turned and nuzzled into him, enjoying the warmth of the familiar body as he took in his musky scent that faintly smelt of B.O., but he couldn’t blame him since it had been a stressful day so far. 

Eren smiled softly at his best friend that was also now his boyfriend, reaching up to gently thread his fingers into the slowly overgrowing undercut, lightly playing with the bristles of the short hairs earning a little shudder from Levi since it felt weird. He wasn’t used to physical attention except for when they’d cuddle beforehand, so he wasn’t exactly too used to everything. The light shudder earned a soft chuckle from Eren, watching him before lifting up his phone and taking a picture of Levi nestled into his chest, smiling softly before posting it onto SnapChat without a filter or anything since he really didn’t care about all of that. Levi tended to at least use the first one since it was enlightening and seemed to rid him of his small flaws to some extent. He had heard the camera shutter but he didn’t bother to lift his head since he didn’t care at this point -- he was just happy that they were cuddling now and weren’t sitting so far apart...despite the chair being a foot away from the bed and that was for leg room. “You’re so cute.” Eren whispered softly to him, earning a grunt from Levi who seemed content where he was. “Hey, Levi, stay awake. Okay?” He urged softly as Levi grumbled under his breath and lifted his head. “Then get my laptop so we watch Netflix.” He huffed softly since he was already getting tired again with Eren in his touch, despite his nightmare.

This was really just proof that he felt comfortable with Eren and this relationship would hopefully last a long long time.


End file.
